Right as rain
by siennamarie
Summary: What's that saying? Oh, you should never fall in love with your best friend's girl. But it's a little too late for that.
1. Chapter 1

**TROY**

 **Senior year, day 1.**

"Troy, sweetie, wake up, it's almost 7."

Almost 7? Fuck. I thought it must have been about 7:30 or something if she's waking me up.

This blows.

"I'm up," I yell to her.

"I'm making pancakes," she tells me through the door, "please be down in 20 minutes. You don't want to be late for your first day."

I do.

Well, not really, not necessarily, but fuck, school blows.

I should have probably programmed myself the last few weeks of summer to go to bed at a decent hour and wake up around 8 or before 8 to make this transition easier, but I forgot. I was too busy enjoying my last few weeks of freedom before senior year came around.

No doubt my mom will come back up here if I'm not down in 20 minutes, so I spring out of bed and go take care of my business in the bathroom.

It's senior year.

I should be stoked about being at the top, the head of campus.

But it doesn't really excited me.

What does excite me is that in hopefully a year from now, I'll be in California attending Berkeley and getting the hell out of Colorado.

When I get downstairs, my sister's already digging into her pancakes and downing some milk.

"You excited for your last year at middle school?"

"Eh, sure."

I laugh. Olivia has this carefree attitude and a go with the flow personality that mostly everything is whatever to her. Kind of refreshing for a young teenager.

My mom stacks three pancakes on a plate for me and opts to give me orange juice instead of milk. I hate milk. She places them in front of me at the table and then kisses the top of my head. "I cannot believe my baby is a senior. It feels like just yesterday I was there in the..."

"Okay, mom, I get it."

"I'm sorry I'm emotional," she says, "my littlest is in her last year of middle school and my oldest of high school. Where did the time go?"

I shrug, biting into her delicious pancakes.

Olivia finishes off her plate and goes to the sink to wash it.

"Elaine, we're going to be late," my dad comes walking into the kitchen, buttoning the cuffs of his shirt, "well, well, well, would you look here. Is that a senior eating his pancakes? And is that a big bad 8th grader washing her dish? I mean, my God."

"Dad, gross," I tell him.

My mom laughs as she starts putting everything away, "I was just telling them, I don't know where the time has gone."

My dad nods, "seriously, you guys, it's wild."

Sure.

Whatever that means. It happens to everyone. They're acting like they're the first people to have kids advance a grade and are almost graduating.

"Liv, go grab your backpack," my dad tells her, "Troy, buy us some tickets for Friday's game."

"Sure thing."

He drops 20 dollars on the table and then gives me a kiss on my head.

My mom follows suit and kisses my cheek.

And then they walk out of the kitchen hand in hand like every other morning around here and as much as it should make me sick, it doesn't.

I love how in love they are.

As I'm winding down on my last pancake, my cell phone buzzes on the table. I pick it up in one ring, putting it on speaker as soon as I answer. "What's up? Nothing, just finishing breakfast. Sure man, I'll swing by in about ten minutes. Nah. Okay, see ya soon."

Well, fuck, now I can't relax for ten minutes before school.

I quickly finish my last bite, down my orange juice and go over to the sink to wash my plate. I put it off to the side so it can dry and then grab my things.

Exactly ten minutes later, I'm honking at my idiotic best friend to come out.

"Dude, thanks."

"Why wouldn't you fill up your tank if you know we have school today?" I lecture him like his dad or something.

"I forgot," he shrugs, plugging his phone to charge.

Whatever. I pull out of his driveway and head to school. Sure, it's on the way, but it just made me leave earlier. I was planning on catching the morning news for a bit. That stuff fascinates me. I love knowing what's going on around the world. But I guess now I have to rely on my apps if I want the news.

Chris motions for me to pull into the AM PM a block away from school.

I oblige.

I tell him to grab me a gatorade.

As he's in there, a text on his phone pops up and I don't mean to be nosy, but it was a string of texts and curiosity got the better of me in that moment.

 _Are you free after school? Please tell me yes._

 _Thank you again for last night by the way. I really needed it. You're the sweetest._

And a heart.

A heart emoji or whatever.

I have no idea who this Cara girl is or why he has his messages to where you can read them on the screen.

But he's my best friend. I don't want to jump to any conclusions right now.

He has a girlfriend. A girlfriend of a little over a year. A girlfriend who he loves. One that loves him. Yet, here is this girl Cara sending him a heart and telling him he's the sweetest for whatever he did for her last night. I mean, what am I supposed to do?

Sit back and pretend I didn't read it? I can't.

So, when he jumps in the car and hands me the gatorade, I tell him he got a text.

"What?"

"You got a text."

"Shit," he grabs his phone, clearly forgetting about leaving it in here.

I pull out of the parking lot and head over to school and once we park, I find myself asking him who Cara is and why she's texting him.

He laughs, "seriously, dude?"

"What?" I'm a little caught off guard by his laughter, "dude, those texts she sent you... what the fuck?"

"She's a friend," he says, "who's going through a bit of a hard time. I'm just being there for her. Don't read so much into it."

"Oh, that's great. Does your girlfriend know?"

Chris shuts his door that he had opened the second we pulled in. Apparently, he doesn't want anyone else to hear this conversation. I wouldn't either if I were him, to be honest. "What the fuck are you accusing of me? You think I'm cheating on her?"

Yes.

But I don't come right out and say that. "You have a girlfriend. Why are you texting other girls?"

"You don't know the first thing about having one," he scoffs.

"You're right."

I don't. I've never have a girlfriend.

Chris opens his door up again, "I'm not having this conversation with you anymore. Talk to me when you get a girlfriend and you see how hard it is."

He grabs his backpack, his phone and walks off.

I take my keys out of the ignition, grab my backpack from the back and walk in as well.

I'm being greeted left and right, asking how my summer was, blah blah blah. But all I can think about is the conversation I just had with Chris in the car and what those text messages actually meant. I hate this. I hate how I'm privy to this. I wish he would have taken his phone. I wish I wouldn't have brought it up because it's all I can think about now and it shouldn't even be my problem.

And I hate even more that his girlfriend just walked through the door of my first period of the day looking as beautiful as ever.

She smiled at me.

And then came and took a seat by me.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Troy Bolton taking AP Calculus," she says in her sweet voice, followed by a laugh, "what will the others think about this?"

"They'll be jealous," I shrug, "but you know it's no secret I'm smart?"

"True."

Smart and popular, I am.

It's weird admitting to that because I don't want to sound like a dick, but I have a 4.0 and I'm a jock. Go figure.

"I'm not sure why I even said that," she tells me.

"Maybe you're trying to get in my head and make me think that being smart isn't cool so you can beat me for valedictorian," I offer, opening up a clean notebook, "I know your game plan. And let me tell you, it aint gonna work. You have some competition."

"You're so right," she smiles at me, "shame you're not just another dumb jock. Hot, smart and a guy? You'll definitely beat me."

"Nah," I tell her.

I couldn't really say much else.

Because she just called me hot and it was all I was thinking about.

As annoying as it sounds, I mean, I'm used to being called that. Girls let me know. Whatever. But hearing it from her is just different. It made me feel weird.

In this moment, I think about what Chris said to me.

He's right.

I don't know what it's like to have a girlfriend or how hard it can all be.

But what I do know is this... if I had Gabriella Montez as a girlfriend like he does, I wouldn't ever cheat on her.

Because she's perfect.

Of course I couldn't tell him that, though.


	2. Chapter 2

**GABRIELLA**

 **Senior year, day one.**

Fuck.

I just called Troy hot to his face.

It's no secret he is. It's not like he doesn't know that. But calling your boyfriends best friend hot? That's a definite no.

But he didn't make a big deal about it, thank God.

He's used to it.

Every single girl around here fawns over him. Cheerleaders, soccer players, the softball girls, the really smart girls, everyone. Literally everyone has a crush on Troy Bolton. It's not even annoying because he kind of just ignores it. Sure, he has his fair share of hook ups but for the most part, he doesn't buy into it.

The beauty of being the girlfriend of his best friend is I get a bit of insight to Troy Bolton.

Also, our dads work together.

There's more than meets the eye there and I feel like not a lot of people get to see that which is kind of a bummer. They just see hot and great at soccer.

When class is over, I'm pulled away with a hand around my waist.

"Hey."

"Hi," Chris leans down and kisses me.

This is catching me so off guard. I haven't really talked to him the last few days since we've been in our fight.

But all of a sudden, he's kissing me out of nowhere?

"How are you?"

"Good," I tell him. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Troy looking at us. He laughs and then walks away. I'm not even sure why. Maybe he knows we're fighting or were fighting and finds it funny we're not kissing in the hallway. "Um, what are you doing?"

"What? I can't kiss my girlfriend?"

I nod, "you can. I just... you haven't talked to me since Friday night. You didn't even text me back when I texted you this weekend."

He sighs, "I'm sorry. I was just cooling off. I don't want to fight."

Well, me neither.

But he lied to me. He was supposed to pick me up at 7 to go see a movie, but he was an hour late so of course I asked what he was doing and he said he got caught up passing and shooting the ball around at Troy's. But it was bullshit because 20 minutes before he told me that, Troy snapped his little sister on their dinner date. I brought that up and he said, shit, I went home after and hung out for a bit and I told him he was being shady and he got really defensive and mad and we haven't talked since.

I don't really think I did anything wrong here. I mean, he was late to pick me up so why wouldn't I question it?

And why wouldn't I call him out on a straight up LIE?

It's dumb.

But whatever. I don't really feel like fighting with him. It's exhausting.

"I don't, either," I tell him.

"Wanna come over after school?" He asks me, "I got a ride from Troy. Maybe you can give me a ride home. We'll grab some food?"

"Sorry, I can't after school, but you can come over for dinner. I'm sure my parents wouldn't mind."

"Okay," he nods, "yeah, sure, I will."

Chris is an open book. He'll share with me that his mom and dad are fighting. If he has to take care of his aunt. Etc. And I'm not like that. I keep my family life pretty private. Not that there's anything going on at home. My parents are in a perfectly, committed, happy relationships. My brother just started his first year at Brown and we're all proud of him. But if there was dirty laundry to share, I wouldn't. It's just not me. And so while I got on Chris for lying, I was about to lie if he asked what I was going to do right after school but thankfully, Chris being Chris, didn't ask. He doesn't really ask questions like that.

He can't know what I'm doing after school because it's private. It's a private family thing and it's something I just don't want to talk about.

Or even think about.

"I gotta head to my next class," I tell him, "see ya at lunch."

He gives me a quick peck before heading off.

I turn the corner and standing in front of the classroom I'm about to walk into is Morgan Brown in the flesh.

"There you are."

"Sorry," I tell her, "was with Chris."

She rolls her eyes, "did he apologize for that night? I hope so. He's an asshole."

Usually when we fight and she talks about him like that, I'll defend him and be like, don't say that. But this time I didn't have the energy. I just followed her in, took a seat next to her and got ready for the teacher to walk in and tell us about the course for this semester.

"Did you buy your ticket to the game on Friday?"

"Not yet."

"Let's buy it at lunch," she tells me, "also, Ryan Moore is having a party after the game. I'm thinking about finally making my move."

"Really, just gonna go for it?"

She shrugs, "it's senior year. I need to be a little more... adventurous."

I laugh.

Morgan Brown is my best friend here. We met the second I transferred my sophomore year and have been inseparable since then. She has gorgeous, short, shoulder length brown hair that I wish worked on me and these green eyes that just pop out at you. She's gorgeous. And she could literally have any guy she wants. Yet, she's shy and the thought of her having a boyfriend has kind of freaked her out so she's kind of always made herself unavailable.

"Trust me, it's not what it's cracked up to be."

"I know you've been with Chris for a little over a year," she rolls her eyes, "but if you want out, get out. I don't understand what's holding you back."

I shrug, "I love him."

She laughs, "who do you think you're talking to here, Gabriella?"

Yeah, she's right. It's been different.

But that doesn't mean I don't love him. We've been together for over a year. I do love him. And care about him. And I don't know. It's comfortable. I just can't see us heading in different directions. And sure, we've been fighting a lot lately and whatever, but do I want to break up with him? I don't think so.

I don't know.

None of that really matters right now, there are way more important things to think about

And Chris isn't really a priority.

* * *

"Hi, grandma."

"Gabriella, sweetie, hi," my grandma puts down her book the minute I step into her room, "how was your first day?"

"It was good," I smile at her, "nothing exciting."

She extends her arms out and I reach in and give her the best hug I could.

God, this really sucks.

I should be visiting my grandma at her home, not in a hospital room where she's hooked up to a machine. It's tough seeing her like this. I hate it more than anything in this world. I wish she was healthy. I wish this didn't happen to her. I wish she could get out of here and go back home to the life she had.

Fuck cancer.

"How are you doing today?" I ask her.

"Well, I'm okay," she says, "it's just been an adjustment, but I'm hopeful that I'll get better, that I'll at least be able to go home soon, back to my bed."

"I hope so," I smile, "have you had anything to eat for lunch?"

She nods, "about an hour ago, the nurse brought me half a sandwich and some soup."

That's good.

My grandma is the light of my life.

She had my mom when she was only 20 years old and my mom had me when she was 28 so she's pretty young for a grandma. She's a young, older person. Hasn't even hit 70 yet. And she was the life of the party. She'd crack jokes left and right, she'd accept anyone with open arms, she made food all day long for no apparent reason just to feed whoever walked through her door. I grew up everyday with her and she was my favorite person in the whole world.

"I don't want to talk about cancer," she tells me, "let's talk about you."

"I'm not sure what there is to talk about," I shrug, taking a seat on one of the chairs they have for guests, "my life's pretty boring right now, to be honest."

"How's Christopher doing?"

I laugh, "Chris is fine. Why do you always say his full name?"

She adjusts her pillows behind her a bit, "I hate the name. Christopher is a little less... bad."

"You do?"

"Oh, yes," she nods, "your grandpa wanted to name your uncle Christopher and I told him that no, I hate it. But he loved it. It was really hard. He was pretty set on it and by the grace of God, I suggested Adrian and he went with it. Thought it was better suited with our last name."

"I think so, too. I can't picture him being a Chris."

She made a face and I laughed. "Young love. I remember meeting your grandfather around your age. It was scary and wonderful all at once."

Oh God, no.

I know what's coming next.

She's going to ask me if I think he's the one or whatever.

But the trust is, I don't want to talk about Chris. I'm not one hundred percent over the whole thing that happened between us. It's just sitting weird with me and the way he approached things this morning made me feel weird, too. So, I don't want to think about it.

"You're young, though, and beautiful. Do you really want to be tied down? I mean, the opportunities are endless for you right now."

"I'm not tied down, grandma. I'm just... dating him. It's not anything..."

"It's serious. One year?"

Well, yes, it's serious and it's a committed relationship. But there are no plans to marry.

At all.

"We're just... it's high school. I love him. He loves me. But I'm not thinking about anything beyond that. He's not going to hold me back, I'm not going to hold him back. I don't really know what's going to happen to us in the future. But I don't think I want to break up with him."

"Well, then," she chuckles to herself, "I just want to make sure you're not in a relationship just to be in one. I want it to be fulfilling and your best days."

"Yeah," I smile at her, "I want them to be as well."

And they're not.

Not lately, anyway. Things are different and I don't really understand why.

It's just a little more fighting.

And a little more space between us.

But there are bigger things to worry about right now.

Like my grandma.


	3. Chapter 3

TROY

I wish the stairs weren't closed.

The elevator doors are taking FOREVER to open.

Literally.

But when they do open, none other than Gabriella Montez was leaning against the wall, looking down at her feet.

"Hey," I tell her.

She looked up at me, tears running down her face. Tears she quickly wiped away.

Shit. She's crying. Is she okay? I walked in there and I think she meant to walk out, but she just stood there and then the doors shut before she could anymore. I think she was caught a little off guard that she doesn't really know what's going on right now. "You okay?"

"I was supposed to get off," she steps forward.

"Um, yeah, well, I'm only going two floors up," I tell her, clicking the number 3, "what's up? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

I don't believe her. She's crying in an elevator in a hospital.

If I saw my friend crying in a hospital, I'd be worried and a million things would be rushing through my head. But I'm calm and just a little curious right now because Gabriella's dad works here. His office is on the 5th floor and I'm just assuming that's where she's coming from and maybe they fought or something.

I don't know.

"Were you up with your dad?"

"Can you not ask me any questions?" She asks me, "and you didn't see me here."

"What?"

She shakes her head as the elevator doors open. Without thinking, I grab her hand and pull her out with me.

I need to know what's going on here. "Gabriella, what's wrong?"

"You just didn't see me here, Troy," she says again, "please. I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay," I nod.

She wipes her eyes and then takes a deep breath. "You're a great friend, Troy, and I trust you, but if tomorrow morning, Chris comes up to me and is like, why were you crying at the hospital yesterday then... you know what, that's dumb. Never mind. Forget I'm saying anything. I'll see you tomorrow."

She pressed the elevator button and it quickly opened.

What just happened?

* * *

There are moments or days in your life that you just remember every detail about.

It doesn't matter if you're 5 or 75, you just do.

A few include the day I found out my mom was pregnant with my sister. I was 4 years old, but I remember the exact words she told me and how my dad picked me up, gave me a big brother shirt and told me I was going to be the best big brother ever. I remember when I was 11 and my grandma got diagnosed with breast cancer. It was the worst day of my life and the whole day, it's so embedded in my brain, I wish I could just forget it. I cried for an hour, my grandpa took me to get ice cream, my little sister asked if I was okay, my dog cuddled me for two hours knowing something was clearly wrong with me, I rode my bike around the block ten times. My mom made lasagna for dinner that night. We prayed in my living room. I laid in bed tossing a soccer ball in the air for an hour. I just remember every single moment of that day. Same with the day I scored three goals at my soccer game when I was 13. Start to finish, I remember what I ate, what I did before and after, who I saw and hung out with. If something memorable happens, you remember it.

Meeting Gabriella Montez is one of those days I remember clearly.

And it fucking sucks.

Because she's my best friend's girlfriend.

How can you not remember the day you met her, though? She's beautiful and she lights up a room the second she walks through the door.

It was second semester sophomore year when she came.

The new girl.

I remember it being strange because it was a Friday. She started school on a Friday.

I was sitting in the office waiting to talk to my guidance counselor about a possible schedule for next semester. I had taken AP classes and she wanted to know if it was something I wanted to continue to do so I was there bright and early. Well, not too early. But you know...

And then she walked in.

With her beautiful brown eyes and her long brown hair and... everything about her captivated me. I couldn't stop staring at her.

Mrs. Cross asked her to take a seat next to me.

So, she did.

I figured I was the first person she was seeing that day and that maybe I should welcome her.

Nervously, the most nervous I think I've ever been in my life, I turned to her with a small smile and in the lamest way possible said, "welcome to Cherry Creek High" and she flashed me a smile that was laced with relief and gratefulness and we struck up a small conversation about where she was from, why she was starting school on a Friday, what grade she was in, and I almost slipped in that I thought she was beautiful, but I kept that to myself.

She was called back and she told me thanks and she'd see me around.

 _Hope so,_ I thought in my head.

The day went on. She was in one of my classes, AP History. She sat in front of me and it was pure torture that I had to stare at the back of her head.

I watched as Morgan Brown introduced herself and told her she could show her around.

Damn.

That's what I should have done. Offered to show her around.

And then morning turned to afternoon and I saw her floating around with Morgan at her side and it made me smile that Morgan befriended her because Morgan is one of the nicest girls I know. She has an early birthday so she got her license first semester a little before Winter Break and so she'd literally trek around town and pick up whoever needed a ride to school that morning and after school. She's just nice.

I went home, laid on my couch wondering what the hell to do tonight all while thinking about how beautiful Gabriella was. I couldn't get over it.

It was on another level.

It didn't jump out at you, but at the same time, you couldn't help but notice her in the room.

I got a text from Chris telling me about a party.

I was in.

8 o'clock rolled around and we were all in David Hause's backyard. I was driving so I didn't touch a sip of alcohol. I was standing there talking about the roster for the Denver Broncos with a few friends when she walked in with Morgan looking insanely nervous and like maybe this wasn't a good idea.

Right away, Morgan introduced her to people and she seemed a little more relaxed.

I felt like a fucking crazy person.

My whole day consisted of being on the look out for her, my thoughts being consumed by someone I didn't even know.

So, I decided to change that a bit and talk to her.

And we did.

I asked how her first day was and that everyone around here is really nice, she doesn't have much to worry about. If she was a football fan, if she liked sports, if she played any, what she thinks of Greenwood Village, just a bunch of questions that came to my mind at the time. I asked if she wanted a drink and she told me no, she doesn't drink. She laughed at some dumb joke I made about one of the football players. I watched as she tucked some hair behind her ear revealing a few piercings running up her ear. She also smelled zesty. I couldn't place the smell, but it was a little fruity.

Morgan pulled her away and I went back to hanging out with my friends. Chris asked who the new girl was and some guy said he didn't know.

Chris said she was hot and I immediately told him I kinda know her.

He asked if I was into her.

Hindsight is 20/20. I should have said yes, but it would have been a lie because I hardly knew anything about her.

So, I said no.

He said cool, dibs, I'm going to go talk to her.

Chris Murphy was not shy. He could sweet talk anyone. I get nervous. I don't necessarily want to give an oral report. I'm afraid of rejection from a pretty girl. But not him. Not Chris. He went right up to her, introduced himself and the rest was history.

They didn't date right away, but she was on his radar and so she was definitely off limits. Eventually, they got together and have been together since.

And so she's just my friend.

It went from wanting to know her to keeping my distance to being her friend because of Chris to hiding my feelings for her.

I am one hundred, no one thousand percent, into Gabriella Montez.

So much so that I think I love her sometimes.

But it's silly.

How could I love her when she's not my girlfriend? When I don't know her on that kind of level? When I've never even kissed her or held her hand or anything like that? It doesn't even make sense. But it's a feeling I have sometimes. This overwhelming feeling of want for her that I think it's... pure love.

Okay, I did hold her hand one time and it was the best 20 seconds of my life.

I grabbed it as we made our way through a sea of people at the town carnival last year and that energy I felt when I held it, I knew what I felt was real.

Have you ever had feelings for your best friends girl?

It sucks.

Don't ever do it.


	4. Chapter 4

**GABRIELLA**

I cannot believe Troy saw me crying.

My grandma was having a good day today, too! She seemed happy.

It was a good day.

Yet, the minute I left the room, tears started falling down my face and I felt this overwhelming feeling of sadness.

Why did he have to see me crying like that?

I should have lied and said my dad said something to upset me or something. I mean, he works here and his office is in the 5th floor. But what if his parents told him that my dad was in surgery all afternoon and then it would have just been this weird lie that he would bring up when he saw me tomorrow?

No.

I couldn't really have that.

To be honest, if someone had to see me coming out of that elevator crying, I'm glad it was Troy.

He's someone I know can keep a secret and I appreciate that about him.

He's loyal to a fault.

Through Chris, we've become really good friends. And our parents work together in the same hospital. They're all surgeons so they have surgeries together, consults, whatever. I don't know medical terms that well. But hey're friends and they get together here and there and we tag along and make it a family affair. They bond over their work, the fact that they have kids the same age, our moms loving yoga. We just come from very similar backgrounds and it's easy to have a friend like him. And he is loyal to a fault and so I know this whole thing he saw today won't be an issue.

"Gabriella, are you listening to me?!"

"Yes."

"No, you weren't," Nicole laughs, "but that's okay. First day back to school has everyone kind of checked out."

"What's up?" I ask her.

She scoops some frozen yogurt in her mouth before repeating herself. "You know my cousin Jamie? Well, she's been in a funk lately. Probably because she broke up with her boyfriend over the summer. I told her she needs to meet someone else, someone great. And so she told me to hook her up."

Okay.

Is she thinking my brother? Because no. He's away at school.

"I'm thinking about setting her up with someone from our school," she continues.

"Oh, cool, who?" Thank God it's not my brother.

"Troy."

I don't say anything.

I'm not surprised or anything like that. Everyone wants Troy. And Nicole would be no exception if she didn't already have a boyfriend of her own.

Also, Troy kind of makes himself unavailable so no one has snatched him up.

But I don't know about him and Jamie.

"Jamie's kind of outgoing. Don't get me wrong. Troy's popular and all of that, the jock, captain of the soccer team, but he's kind of a little on the shy side."

"What are you talking about?" Nicole laughs, "no, he's not."

"Yes, he is."

She shakes her head as if it's a ridiculous statement, like I have no idea what I'm talking about. "Troy Bolton is the most popular guy in the whole school. Girls hook up with him. If he was shy, he wouldn't get the action like he does. I've literally seen him tongue in mouth with some chick in a bathroom at a party. That's the opposite of being on the shy side where anyone could walk in and see you doing that... at a party."

She saw that? Ew. Gross.

But I'm not lying when I say he's on the shy side.

I don't want to push it and say, I know him better than you, because then it'll just lead into some territory I don't need to be in.

"Well, then..."

"I'm just gonna put it out there," she shrugs, "Jamie's pretty hot."

"Yeah, she is, she can have anyone."

Except, for some weird reason, I'm not about her hooking Jamie up with Troy. I just don't really see them together. I know Troy well and I've been around Jamie enough times to know that I just don't think they're compatible. Despite Nicole's little story, Troy is on the shy side. Is he shy? No. But he's not about attention and being the life of the party. He's not even all that about parties. He comes, leaves early. He comes late, doesn't even drink. It's just not really his thing. But if Nicole wants to do this, she's going to do this. I can't tell her no. And I have no reason to.

It's just weird.

It's weird that in my mind, I want to keep her from hooking them up and I have absolutely no real reason as to why?

They're not compatible?

Sure, but that can't be the reason why. It's lame.

I change the subject because I don't care to hear about Troy's dating life or the possibility of him having a dating life. It's none of my business.

"I should get going, I think Chris is coming over for dinner in a little bit."

"He is?"

I nod, "we're... okay. I mean, we're just in this weird, rocky place. When you hit the one year mark, I think things go a little downhill. But eventually, they'll get back to how things were. I hope so, anyway. I don't really know."

She doesn't really say anything. She takes the last bite of her frozen yogurt and then tosses it in the trash beside her. "I'm not sure, Gabs."

I roll my eyes, "you too?"

"I like Chris. You guys are cute. Things were good. I just think you can do better."

"Like who?"

She shrugs, "maybe you haven't met him."

I don't really have time to think about this. I love Chris. I do.

At least I think I do.

* * *

 **Senior year, day two.**

I'm walking into school when I feel an arm around my waist, scaring me half to death.

"Hey, can we talk really quick?"

"No."

"My God, woman, we just got over one fight, let's..."

"Woman?" I laugh in Chris' face, "that is definitely not the way to start an apology or to not want to keep a fight going."

He sighs, running a hand through his hair, something I used to find incredibly attractive. "You never gave me a set time and so when Brian asked if I wanted to grab a bite to eat, I went. It's honestly not that big of a deal, Gabriella. You never really cared before if I went..."

Oh God, here we are.

"It's not about you not being with me. It was about us trying to communicate and hang out to get to a better place, yet you didn't wait around to do it."

"What does that even mean?" He asks me.

"It means you should have texted me and asked if we were still on."

"I would've..."

"I had to text you," I interrupted him, "at 6:30, when you know we eat dinner at 6, I had to text you and ask if you were still coming over. And you said you were at dinner already. If plans were tentative, I get it, whatever. I'm not unreasonable. But come on, Chris, we were trying to get over you lying to me about being late. I extended an olive branch to come to dinner and you didn't take it. You should have just came around 6. But you'd rather grab dinner with Brian and fine, whatever, but don't expect me to not be mad."

He pulled me over to the side so we're not in the entrance way. "Do you want to be mad or something?!"

I look at him as if he's delusional. "What?"

"God, Gabriella!"

"What?" I repeat myself, "why the fuck would I want to be mad?"

He throws his hands in the air, all dramatically, "because it's all you've been lately! I feel like I can't say or do anything and everything is an argument!"

Okay, he's getting loud.

And Bree Turner is staring at us as she walks by.

"Can you lower your voice?" I ask him, "you seriously think that I want to be mad at you?"

"YES!" He yells, coming closer, "I think that's exactly what you want. Every little thing I do, you find a reason to be upset about it! I can't fucking hang out with a friend without you being upset or be a little late to pick you up. God, Gabriella! I don't know what the fuck you want from me!"

All of a sudden, he's being pulled away.

By Troy.

"Come on, man, that's enough," he says, "don't do that, walk away."

And he does. He walks away.

I'm not scared of Chris. I fully know he would never lay a hand on me. But he was causing a scene and yelling and so I'm thankful Troy pulled him away.

I couldn't even really think straight right now.

Fighting with Chris should be the last of my worries. My only worry in life should be if my grandma is going to be okay or not. These last five weeks have been the worst weeks of my life and I really just want to put my energy on her and not have to worry about Chris and I fighting. That's why I let his lying go and wanted him to come over last night for dinner. But he couldn't even show up for that so it's back to square one.

A few moments later, Troy comes up behind me. "You okay?"

"I'm fine."

"What was that about?"

"I was just upset that I invited him to dinner, he said he'd come and then he didn't show up. He went to dinner with Brian instead."

"Oh, he did? With Brian?" Troy asks me.

I nod as we walk into the 400 building where our first period is, "yeah and I mean, whatever, if you want to go to dinner with him, great, do your thing, you know? When have I ever gotten mad at him for hanging out with his friends? It was just the timing. You know what, forget it."

This is his best friend. I forget that sometimes because Troy and I are friends, too.

"Forget what?"

"Nothing, he's your best friend, I shouldn't be venting to you about it," I laugh it off, "but um, thanks for breaking that off. I needed to get to class."

He nods letting me in the doorway first, "yeah, no problem."

Troy's eyes look exceptionally blue today. It's something I shouldn't notice.

But yet, I do notice.

Every fucking day of my life.


	5. Chapter 5

**TROY**

 **Senior year, day two.**

"Dude, what the fuck was that about this morning?"

"Nothing," Chris tells me as we're driving to Chipotle for lunch. "She's just looking for ways to be mad."

"Why would she want to be mad?"

He laughs, "hell if I know! I don't know the inside of a female brain."

Sexist.

I bite my tongue as I come to a red light.

"You were yelling pretty loud at her. It looked and sounded wrong," I tell him, "look, I don't know what happened, but you can't be doing that shit, man. It's not right. Do you know how many people asked me if you guys always fight like that, their eyes basically asking, does he ever hit her?"

"Shit," he breaths, "I know I shouldn't have, but fuck, she gets mad for the dumbest things."

"Like what?"

He shrugs, "I didn't go to dinner at her house, big deal."

I pretend to know nothing about it. "Oh, she invited you and you were like, I'm busy, I can't make it today?"

"Something like that," he says, "okay, maybe I implied I'd be there, but she didn't specify a time and she never texted me after God knows what she was doing after school. I wanted to hang out and she said she was busy so like can I be mad?"

"No, you can't be mad because she never told you she could hang out and then not hang out," I defend her, "you're kind of in the wrong here."

"Seriously, dude? You too?"

I push on the gas to go, immediately turning right into the first entrance at the shopping center.

I'm all about right over wrong. Not about who.

I'm loyal.

I'd do anything for Chris. And for any of my other friends.

But he straight up lied to Gabriella. He wasn't with Brian last night because I was with Brian. He came over after school, we went to grab some tacos and then we played indoor soccer with some of our friends. We invited Chris, but he said he was busy. We figured with Gabriella since things were good with them again, but now I'm finding out that he lied to her. And the whole text messages yesterday morning. I don't even know what to think.

"What'd you end up doing?"

"I went to my aunts," he shrugs, "nothing to even get mad over. She's being ridiculous."

Right.

I dropped it for the time being. It's none of my business.

But they're my friends.

Both of them are my friends. Sure, I think I might be in love with Gabriella, but she's still my friend.

And I care about her and her feelings and if she's being treated right.

I always thought Chris did treat her right. They were never this insanely in love couple where you look at them and think they're going to be together forever. But they looked solid. They looked happy and like things were going good. I mean, I'm sure he'd tell me if something was up with them.

"You going to the game this Friday?"

"Nah."

"No?" I question Chris as we scarf down out burritos as fast as possible to make it back to school in time for 5th period. "What are you doing instead?"

"Alex is coming into town for a few days and I doubt he wants to go to a football game."

Just like that, I don't believe my best friend anymore.

He liked about Brian.

And I have the strongest feeling he's lying about his cousin coming to town.

One, because whenever his cousin does come into town, he hangs with us. He invites him wherever he goes and Alex always manages to have a good time. He's one of those guys that goes with the flow and can get along with pretty much anyone. In fact, I remember him coming to a couple of football games throughout our high school life so I want to call bullshit on this so bad, but I don't need to argue with Chris. It's the last thing I need.

"Oh, cool, I wanna see him while he's here."

"Sure," he nods, "if you don't go to the game. We're headed to Boulder for the rest of the weekend. Not much to do in this town, you know?"

"For sure."

It's all bullshit, really.

One look at Alex's Instagram or Twitter account will prove me right.

But do I really want to know? I think I'd rather be blind to whatever Alex is doing. The less I know, the better maybe.

"I think the game will blow, anyway."

"Yeah?"

He shrugs, taking another big ass bite of his burrito, "McEntyre's hurt, Branson's still recovering. I think it'll be kind of a shit show. But I know everyone's going to this one cause it's our rival school so maybe it will be fun. Keep me posted about it."

I nod, washing down my food with some of my soda, "Hear Moore's having a party. If you and Alex are interested in that, should be fun."

"Yeah, I'll see," he nods.

Whatever shady thing he's up to, I decide I don't want to know.

Turning a blind eye to all of it for now.

Fuck.

* * *

Confession?

I hate elevators. Absolutely despise them.

One of my fears, actually.

I'm closing my eyes, praying that today is not the day I go down and I make it to the third floor safely.

The doors opened and a deep breath emerges from me.

I always take the stairs. It's only three floors to my dad's, but seven to my mom's. But they've been closed for the past few days due to renovations or something like that. New tiles? New rails? I have no idea. But it's made me have to take the elevator and it's something I'm not happy about at all.

But I'm here.

I cruise down the hall, saying hi to some of the staff members as I make my way to my dad's office, lunch in tow.

The door is slightly open, but I knock anyway.

My dad tells me to come in.

I did, but I didn't expect Dr. Montez to be sitting in a chair in front of him.

"Oh, you guys busy?" I ask, halting.

"No, we're just talking... nothing work related," my dad laughs, telling me to come and take a seat. I do. and I greet Dr. Montez, "actually, David was just inviting us to dinner tonight. Anna is making her famous ribs and you know we cannot say no to those."

Dr. Montez laughs, nodding away, "join us, as well. There's more than enough. It's been a little while since we've all gotten together."

My dad leans back in his chair, "it has, hasn't it?"

I think so.

I'm not really sure, though.

Dr. Montez and my parents work in the same hospital. All head of their department, but on different floors. Obviously, their profession causes them to work together sometimes. I know they did a surgery together last month because my dad raved about it, telling us Dr. Montez was at his absolute best. They hit it off the day Dr. Montez got transferred to this hospital and have been friends ever since. My mom and Gabriella's mom get along great.

"Well, I'll let you guys have your lunch," Dr. Montez tells us, standing up, "don't eat too much, though. Dinner's at 7, come hungry."

"We definitely will," my dad laughs, "see ya then."

It's 2.

This week, I've been getting off a little earlier since we don't have soccer the first week of school.

So, I was able to bring my dad some lunch from one of his favorite spots.

I'm still pretty full from my Chipotle.

"Can you make it tonight?" My dad asks, unwrapping the tacos I brought him while fishing for the salsa in the bag, "I'm sure Chris will be there."

"Yeah, sure," I nod, thinking about if I have any homework. Not really. It's still early. "I'll talk to him about it."

"Great."

I get up before getting comfortable, "I'm gonna go say hi to mom."

My dad nods, biting into his tacos.

Once again, I'm closing my eyes, praying in the elevator. The ding take me out of my misery and I step foot onto the 7th floor. Not too much out of my misery because we're in the pediatric department now and it's the worst thing to witness. Sick kids left and right. It breaks my heart to see.

I knock on my mom's door and her sweet voice tells me to come in not a second later.

"Hey, mom."

"Troy, what a nice surprise," she smiles at me.

"Yeah, I was bringing dad some lunch," I tell her, "he told me you ate, though, and you have a surgery at 2:30, so not to bother bringing you anything."

She laughs, "yeah, that's true."

I wasn't planning on coming up to my mom's office. I was just gonna catch her at home. But sitting there, this thought just came into my head and all of a sudden, there was nothing more I wanted than to talk to her about something.

"Can I talk to you really quick or are you busy?" I ask her, taking a seat on the couch she has, "because if you are..."

"No, I'm just resting a bit before the surgery, what's up?"

"I need advice."

She swivels around in her chair to face me as she pulls her brown locks back with a hair tie. "Advice?"

I nod, "yeah, like friend advice."

"Okay," she says, "tell me the problem."

The problem. Okay. Well, the problem is I like his girlfriend and...

Yeah, right.

"I just... it's no one you really know so you don't have to feel weird about knowing their problems. But I think he's being cheated on. I don't have solid proof or evidence but it's all kind of lining up and I don't really know what to do with the information. I don't know if I should tell him or just kind of leave it."

"You think his girlfriend is cheating on him? Do you know his girlfriend pretty well?"

"No, just from around."

She looks at me a little funny, "then how would you know she's cheating? Did you see her or something, kissing someone?"

I shake my head, "not kissing. But in compromising positions."

"Okay," she nods, "what does your gut say?"

"My gut wants to tell him," I breath out, "but I know there's a chance he won't believe me and then it'll just ruin the friendship and I don't really want that."

"Right, of course. That's tricky."

"And I don't want the girl to hate me, either. I don't want any of them to hate me."

My mom smiles at me. "You want to do the right thing because that's just who you are. And you're scared of telling him because you don't want to hurt him and you don't want it to blow up in your face. What if you do tell him, but they decide to stay together? Maybe they believe you, maybe they don't, but the bottom line is that they stay together? You're going to be on the outside because they're a team. They won't be too happy with you."

She's right.

But it's just something that I can't get out of my head.

I don't know for sure if Chris is cheating, but it fucking seems like it and it makes my blood broil. Gabriella does not deserve that whatsoever.

"What if they'd want to know, though?"

"I know," she nods, "you want to help your fried out. But even then, you're going to become the bad guy. He'd believe you, butt hen throw back in your face, how long did you know? Why didn't you tell me sooner? Why were you doing this or that? It's all so complicated."

She's right... again.

Fuck. WHAT DO I DO?! I have no idea what to do.

For now, I don't know he's cheating. And I don't want to investigate t. I don't want to be privy to anything even if I've already been.

"You're right," I tell her, "I'm just going to stay out of it. Turn a blind eye."

"Until you have to. You'll know if you do."

"Thanks, mom," I smile at her, "I'll let you go now."

"You're the best, you know that?" She gets up to come give me a kiss on the head, "you'll do the right thing."

Will I?

I have no fucking idea.


	6. Chapter 6

**GABRIELLA**

"Thanks for the ride," I reach over to Morgan's back seat and grab my stuff.

"Looks like you have company."

"What?"

I look where she's pointing and see Troy's car parked in front of my house. I forgot all about that. Shit.

My mom texted me earlier today, during 3rd period, and told me she's inviting the Bolton's for dinner. I told her cool, but I won't be home until later because Morgan and I have a bunch of posters to make for Friday's game. Being in ASB and everything, along with the cheerleaders, we go all out for the game. She told me to just get home as soon as I can and this whole time, I forgot they were coming. They've got to be almost finished by now. It's close to 8.

"Oh, yeah, I guess. I forgot all about it, to be honest."

"Shit, I'd never forget."

Morgan has one of those fake crushes on Troy. She fawns all over him, but the guy she wants is Ryan Moore. It's just impossible not to have a crush on Troy.

I laugh, opening the door, "see you tomorrow. Oh, and don't forget to bring my charger."

"Got it."

I make my way inside, dropping my things off in the living room.

And then I go to the back where I assume they're all having dinner in the dining room. But nope. They're not there.

They're all outside.

I open the door and there they all are.

My mom, my dad,

Troy, his mom, his dad and his sister all gathered around the table. It looks like they're done, though, as my dad's leaning back in his chair, plates are stacks and little Olivia Bolton is concentrated way too hard on her phone.

"Well, well, well, look who decided to finally join us," my dad says, earning a laugh from the table. Well, most of them anyway, "no more food for you."

"Yes, there is," my mom laughs, turning to me.

I smile at them.

And then walk over to them, telling them I'm sorry for being late and explaining my absence.

"Do you want me to fix you a plate?"

I shake my head, "no, thanks, I ate at Morgan's already."

There's an empty seat next to Troy that I walk around to vacate, but stop at Olivia first to give her a hug. She's gotten a little taller and a bit more gorgeous.

"What were you doing?"

"Making posters for Friday's game," I tell my dad as I reach for some bread.

"Should be a good game," my dad nods and then looks over at the Boltons, "you guys going right?"

Jack leans back in his seat, nodding, before reaching for his beer, "planning on it. You never know what will come up, but yes, wouldn't miss it. I know it might not end well for us, but we're hopeful. Coach Daniels told me Moore is making strides, is sure he's gonna lead the team this year."

Ryan Moore.

I immediately think about Morgan.

There's obligatory school talk, with Elaine asking me how I'm liking my classes and how soon college is going to come so enjoy all of this while I can.

My dad gets up to grab the control to turn on the outside TV.

There's a game on.

So of course, they're going to be here a little bit longer. But I have no desire to be outside anymore.

I get up and walk in, with Troy following.

"Did you do the math homework?" I ask Troy as we make our way to my living room.

"Yeah, I did," he nods, taking a seat right next to me, "I can't believe she's already assigning homework. I mean, I know it's senior year and everything, but none of my other teachers haven't really gotten there yet. But it was pretty easy."

I laugh, "definitely."

This isn't really uncommon. Troy and his family have been coming over for dinner for the past year and a half since we've known them.

But usually, Chris is here, too.

"How'd your posters turn out?" Troy asks me.

"Good," I reach for the control, "Morgan's really creative and a great artist so I kind of left it up to her."

"I know McEntyre is hurt and Branson's easing into things still, but like your dad said, Moore's making strides so I think it'll be a good game," he leans back on the couch, "and it's on our turf so I think that'll help us going into it."

"Definitely," I agree turning on the TV, but not bringing myself to change the channel yet, "hey, thanks again for this morning."

He shrugs, "anytime."

That's true. I know it would be anytime.

But it shouldn't have to be. He shouldn't be put in between his best friend and me.

"He's your best friend and we're friends and I know..."

"Right from wrong, Gabriella," he says so casually, as if it was the easiest thing in the world getting between his best friend and I. "If it was the other way around and you were yelling at him, I'd be right there telling you to back up, but it wasn't. So, don't worry about it."

He would.

No doubt about that.

But the truth is, this isn't the first time Troy has come to my defense.

And each time, it's made my heart skip a beat.

A couple of months ago, a bunch of our friends headed to Lakeside Amusement Park in Denver and we spent the day there just hanging out and stuff. At one point, some of us ventured off to one side of the park and while I didn't want to go on one ride, Troy stayed back with me. And some asshole who was drunk with his friends was trying to talk to me, but I wanted no part of it. One, I had a boyfriend and he was clearly trying to hit on me and second, he was drunk and so probably over the age of 21 since he had a beer in hand. He just wouldn't let it go, saying dumb things left and right and Troy told him to back up, settle down, everything that would get a drunk person riled up. Eventually, it got to a point where he was just straight up disrespecting me and getting way too close for my comfort and Troy definitely didn't start it, but he ended up punching the guy after he grabbed me by the arm. We got kicked out and nothing really came out of it, trouble wise, for Troy. It was lame that we got kicked out and couldn't finish off the day, but I wasn't mad at Troy by any means. He one hundred percent protected me.

The worst part of that whole thing was that Chris was mad about the whole thing.

His exact words?

"If you just went on the roller coaster with us, none of that would have happened. Troy wouldn't have had to punch a stupid, drunk guy and..."

I tuned out the rest because I walked away.

Sure, he apologized, but his initial reaction was to be mad that we were kicked out, not ask how I was doing and be mad at the guy who was saying disrespectful things to me and trying to make advances. I mean, my God, he should have been grateful Troy was there.

"You're a really good friend," I tell him, "I'm not sure I tell you that enough. To him, to me, to everyone around you. People are really lucky to have you."

"Thanks," he says, barely making any eye contact with me whatsoever.

He hates compliments.

But it's true. He really, truly is one of the best friends.

And one of the best guys, in general.

It's weird thinking that some other guy is a better guy than your boyfriend. It's absolutely crazy. But I do. I think Troy is all around just so great.

So great.

And sometimes I feel guilty for thinking that.

Troy was actually the first person I met the day I transferred to Cherry Creek High. I was the most nervous I've ever been. I went from going to school everyday with people I grew up with to being thrown in a school where I knew absolutely no one. And for some reason, I started school on a Friday so it was just a nerve wracking experience and the first person I saw when I walked into the office was him. He was sitting there, looking unbelievably attractive. I was nervous I wasn't going to make any friends, at any given moment, I'd cry about missing my friends and my life back home. But he made me so comfortable. He sat there for like ten minutes and talked to me and he made me feel welcomed. And when I walked out of that office, I felt this weird sense of relief and confidence. It was why I accepted an invitation from Morgan to some party that night. I thought, maybe the nice guy from earlier would be there. The super hot, nice guy. And he was. He smiled that killer smile, offered me a drink and then kind of just... disappeared. I've never admitted this to anyone before, but that bummed me out. It bummed me out that he didn't keep talking to me, that his friend came and talked to me instead all while I was looking over my shoulder, wondering what he was doing, if he was talking to any other girls. He wasn't. Chris was charming and a smooth talker, all while mentioning that his friends think he's crazy for wanting to find that special someone, that none of them are interested in girlfriends at the moment. I mean, what was I going to do? Throw myself at Troy when I knew where his head was at? So, I kind of stuck to Chris.

It worked out, though.

I mean, Chris and I have been together for a little over a year and most of that time, it's been great.

Right now, we're just hitting a rocky patch.

Sure, three months of a rocky patch, starting with the incident at the amusement park, but other than that, it has been great and there are no regrets.

It does feel weird to admit that, though, that I wanted to know his best friend first.

More than anything because that first meeting in the office, that short conversation at that party, I've never felt more drawn to a person than I had to him. And it was overwhelming and kind of scary. But I'm taking that to the grave. No one knows. Okay, maybe my best friend back in Boulder, but other than that, no one. Because how fucked up is that? Chris would go wild. Troy would feel SO awkward. And all of our friends probably would, too.

So, I've kept quiet. Not that it really matters anymore.

Whatever small crush I had developed that day... well, whatever, I try not to really think about it.

Even though, I do.

More often that I probably should.


	7. Chapter 7

**TROY**

 **Senior year, day five.  
**

We're up by 3 right now, but it's been neck and neck.

It's pretty nerve wracking.

"Dude, Cheyenne Smith is looking so good tonight," Brett hands me the nachos I requested when he went to grab some snacks.

"So, talk to her," I shrug as if it's the easiest thing in the world. I know it's not.

"Nah."

Of course. Brett doesn't want to be tied down. I get it. It's the same excuse I've hid behind.

He throws some popcorn in his mouth, basically swallowing it whole. "So, where's Murphy tonight? Called him on my way over here, but he didn't answer."

"His cousin's in town for the weekend."

"Oh, Alex?"

I nod, dipping some chips in the nacho cheese before throwing it in my mouth. There's nothing better than watching football on a Friday night and eating some nachos. I love coming to the games. I know I play soccer, but I'm a pretty big football fan. Most of us are around here.

As we're snacking away, Gabriella, Morgan and Nicole squeeze through us and take their places back in the row in front of us after going to the bathroom.

A bunch of us are here.

Except Chris. Chris isn't here tonight and that's not going unnoticed.

"Dude, Nicole's looking pretty good too."

"Yeah?"

"All of them, but don't you fucking date repeat that to Murphy," Brett whispers, grabbing some more popcorn.

Gabriella turns back as if she heard us, but all she did was offer a smile and then turned around and placed her attention on the game.

Fuuck, I hate this.

I hate feeling guilty about my feelings for her.

After finishing my nachos and putting the trash on the floor for the time being, I take my phone out of my pocket and do something I shouldn't be doing. Chris is my best friend and I should trust him and even if he is lying, I should have his back right?

But I hate not knowing.

I hate that I don't think I trust him. That I want to find out if he's really telling the truth or not about being with Alex.

So, I go to Alex's instagram for any piece of information.

Nothing.

They're family. Maybe he got him to lie for him and told him not to post anything for the night.

I check his tagged photos, nothing.

And then I go to facebook and see if he posted a status, checked in anywhere, if a friend tagged him in anything and again, nothing.

Same with Snapchat.

I'm coming up empty handed. I should feel good about that because it means I'll never know and never knowing about his whereabouts tonight is probably better than knowing he wasn't with Alex. Right? I should leave it along and continue watching the game with my friends around me and enjoy the night.

But I don't.

I check Alex's Twitter and the last tweet he posted was, fuuuuck school.

Okay, nothing out of the ordinary.

I was about to swipe out of the app, but something told me to just check his favorites, his likes or whatever.

Bingo. His friend posted a tweet 28 minutes ago saying, _little Alex all grown up. His first tat. We're so proud._ Followed by a picture of Alex in a tattoo chair holding up a middle finger to the camera. And then he liked another tweet of another friend saying, _party tonight. Hit me or Alex up for the address!_

Fuuuuuuuck.

I shouldn't have fucking snooped. It's the last thing I should have fucking done right now.

But it's too late. I can't unsee this shit.

Chris isn't with Alex. Alex is getting tatted with his friends.

I feel sick to my stomach.

It's lie after lie with Chris lately and I don't even know what to think. Maybe he is being a good friend to this girl and helping her out bcause she's going through something shitty. Or maybe he's actually cheating on Gabriella with this Cara girl. I have no fucking idea what to think right now. And I have absolutely no idea what to do with this information I have been presented with time and time again.

It's almost as if I'm supposed to see this. I was SO close to just stop looking at Alex's shit and something told me to just check his Twitter account.

I hate this.

And when Gabriella turns around to offer me some of the licorice she got, I hate it even more.

God, she's so fucking perfect.

This girl does not deserve to be cheated on.

At all.

* * *

Everyone headed to Ryan Moore's house after the game.

We won, by the way.

All thanks to Ryan Moore himself.

I'm not really in the mood to be here, but I told Brett and Zach we'd come and I wasn't about to bail on them since I'm their ride.

Everyone's stoked and excited and it's kind of getting crazy all over here.

I need a break.

As I'm walking to head inside and grab a bottle of water, where Ryan has said we can help ourselves, Nicole Brier stops me. She's wearing a smile and has a red solo cup in her head and I'm not really sure what's going on. She looks kind of flirty and I'm just... not into it.

"Do you have a minute to talk?" She asks me.

"Yeah, sure," I nod.

"What's going on? Are you, like, talking to anyone? Seeing someone? Are you interested in anyone?" She starts shooting questions at me.

Um.

I have no idea how to answer this.

No, no, but yes. I'm very much interested in one of her good friends.

But no way. I cannot tell her that. I'd be out of my mind to say yes. Only because then it'll get back to people and I'll eventually have to make someone up and it's just too much work. Obviously, I'm going to say no.

"Um, no."

"So, you're fully single? Are you looking?" She brings the cup up to her mouth and take a sip, "because I know of someone."

"You know of someone?" I kind of laugh, relief it wasn't herself she was asking for.

"You should meet my cousin."

I've never met her, but I've seen her a couple of times. At a football game Nicole brought her to once, once at a party and then another time just out. I'm sure we exchanged hi's and wahtever, but fully met her and got to talking to her? No. She's pretty, for sure, but I'm just... I'm not interested.

I don't really know what to say to get out of it.

So, I kind of just give her a bullshit answer I know I'm going to regret later. "Can we talk about this in a bit? I really have to make a phone call."

"For sure."

She's going to corner me later. Nicole Brier never forgets anything.

I let out a deep breath as I walk into the house, go over to the pantry Ryan told me there are waters in and grab one.

"You hiding out?"

Fuck, that scared the shit out of me.

I turn around from leaning on the counter to Gabriella standing there with a small smile.

"I guess I could ask you the same thing," I tell her, realizing she's coming from the living room next door.

She shrugs, "not really, just making a phone call."

I nod.

I don't really know what else to say. I don't want to ask if it was to Chris because I don't want to talk about Chris. Or think about him. And what he's possibly doing right now. It's the last thing I want to think about. Out of sight, out of mind, you know? The less I think about it, the better for all of us.

"I can take Brett and Zach home," she tells me, "you look so disinterested being here. I have space in my car for them."

"I'm fine," I tell her.

"Really?" She challenges me, "you've barely talked to anyone all night."

"You watching me, Montez?"

She laughs and I'm so glad she didn't find that flirty. It just came out. And it could have been very awkward. "It's what I do. I sit back and observe."

I shrug, "I guess it's just one of those days, you know?"

"Oh, I know all about that," she opens the pantry to grab a water and then leans against the counter across from me, "at least we won, though, right? Pre-game, but gives us that much more confidence when we play them for real next month, you know?'

"For sure."

"Seriously, Troy, I can give them a ride if you want to go home. I know these shindigs aren't really your cup of tea."

"I pretend they are," I laugh.

She nods, "I know, for the sake of your friends which is really admirable."

I hate when Gabriella spews out information about me that's true. It makes me fall just a little bit more. It's insane. Brett could be like, dude, I got you skittles cause they're your favorite candy in the whole world and I wouldn't even blink. But Gabriella tells me something about me that's true and I fucking melt and smile like a fucking idiot.

"Well, you basically do the same thing," I point out.

"I guess so," she laughs, "so, why aren't you out with Alex and Chris tonight? From what I hear, you and Alex make Chris feel like a third wheel sometimes."

I laugh, "he told you that?"

She nods, "yeah, but it's hard not to get along with Alex. He's so... easy going."

"He is," I agree, "but um, wanted to come to the game."

"Right."

Fuck. I hate lying to her. I mean, technically I'm not lying because I didn't confirm they were hanging out, but now I know for sure that he told her the same lie and since I found out they're not really hanging out, I know for sure he's lying to her, too. For all I knew, he could have just told her he was sick.

There's a silence that fills the air and it's neither awkward or wanted, really. I don't know. We just don't really say anything for what seems like a while.

But she breaks it before I have the chance. "Do you ever kind of wish things were different?"

"Different how?" I ask.

"Just different," she says, a shrug following.

I think about it for a moment. Not really think about it, but I let a moment pass by. I do wish things were different almost every day. Only with certain things. Almost everyday, I wish things turned out differently for one of my cousins who can't play football anymore. I wish things were different for my grandma, who lost my grandpa a few years ago. And I wish things were different between her and I. I wish I had talked to her more at that party. I wish I had the balls to tell her she was absolutely beautiful and I know we just met, but maybe I can take you out sometime, show you around.

In those regards, I wish things were definitely different, yes.

"Yes."

"Me, too," she sadly smiles.

I'm not really sure what she means. It could be a whole bunch of things. School, her family, friends, Chris. I don't want to assume anything.

I take a sip of my water, letting this moment pass by. I don't really know what else to say.

Gabriella looks over at me and just smiles.

God.

I wish I could just take a few steps forward and kiss her.

But I fucking can't.


	8. Chapter 8

**GABRIELLA**

 **Senior year, day eight.**

"Do you want to get an order of the mozzarella sticks?"

"Sure."

Chris barely looks up from his phone when answering me that it takes all that's inside of me to keep it together.

But then he puts his phone down and slides it to the side, "sorry, what?"

"Mozzarella sticks," I repeat, "you want some?"

"Yeah, sounds good."

We're trying here. I mean, it'd be so silly to throw away our relationship because of a few rocky weeks with fights here and there, you know?

I'm not being completely honest.

It's been a few rocky months. I just feel so disconnected with him at times. We're good then we're not. We're perfectly happy one minute and pissed off at each other the next. I honestly can't pinpoint it. No, I can. I feel like he's not trying anymore. I feel like he's made himself comfortable in my heart and thinks he can just cruise by and that's not the case. We're at a halt and I really, really want to just get out of it and move on from it or something. So, I apologized for getting more upset than I should have about dinner at my house and he apologized for talking to me the way he talked to me.

"Are you busy this weekend?" Chris asks me, reaching for his lemonade, "if not, maybe we can head over to Aurora to try out that new restaurant."

"Really?" I ask, not sure if it's just an empty promise.

He smiles at me and nods.

That smile tells me it's genuine and he's trying and that's all I'm asking for.

I nod, "yeah, we should. I don't really have anything going on. I'm headed to Boulder on Saturday for Tori's birthday, you wanna do it on Sunday for lunch?"

"Perfect."

"Do you want to go to homecoming?"

"Do you want to?"

I shrug, "not really. I mean, I'd go if you wanna go, but it's not something I need to go to."

He laughs, "yeah, no, it's kind of lame, don't you think? Besides, that weekend, I'm going to Grand Lake with my friends."

"Oh, really? I heard Brett and Zach wanna check it out."

"Nah, not friends from school, I..." he takes another sip of his lemonade and before he could finish what he's saying, our waitress comes over to take our order. Mozzarella sticks included. When she's out of sight, he takes another sip and then continues. "Friends from the first club team I've ever played for. Some of them have stayed friends, going to the same school and all. Few weeks ago, reconnected with them and so, we're going for the weekend."

This is the first time I've ever heard of those friends. I'm barely hearing about them as we speak.

I guess I don't need names.

But it's just sort of... out of nowhere.

You do make great friends, though, through soccer. And other spots.

"Sounds fun," I smile at him, not really knowing what else to say. If I ask too many questions, it might turn into a fight. I feel like we haven't exactly gotten off the train of fighting and being on edge with each other. "If I do decide to go, I'll just make it a group thing or something with Morgan, Nicole and them."

"Yeah, that'll be fun."

All of a sudden, I get a phone call from an unknown number, which freaks me out a little bit. I usually never get these.

But I don't answer it, I don't want to.

"I'm gonna use the bathroom," I tell Chris who reaches for his phone the second I tell him.

I did want to answer it, actually, just not in front of him.

So, I head outside.

With everything going on, I think of the worst. But wouldn't my mom or dad call me? Why would an unknown number call me? The hospital? I have no idea, but it's freaking me out and when I'm calm enough to finally call the number back, I take a deep breath and lean against the wall outside this restaurant.

Fear, anxiety, everything that had washed over me the second I got the call all went away at the sound of my best friend's voice.

She got a new number and her texts weren't going through so she called.

Thank God.

I've never been more happy to hear Sienna Johnson's voice.

I stood out here for a moment talking to her about a few things here and there, but I knew I couldn't take to long. I mean, how long does it take to go to the bathroom? So, I just told her what I've been wanting to tell her and then told her I'd call her later.

When I got back to the table, Chris who was on the phone himself, hung up right away and tossed me a smile.

"What's up?" I ask him.

"Nothing," he shakes his head, looking down at his phone for a minute.

It was my way of asking who it was. But he didn't take the bait and I wasn't going to push it because no doubt it'd start an argument. Everything does lately and I'm pretty sick of it. I mean, who lives like this?

We do.

I sit back on my side of the booth, take a deep breath and remind myself we're in this because we love each other, we really do.

Then, why is it so fucking hard?

* * *

SENIOR YEAR, DAY 14.

"What are you doing?"

I jumped at the sound of Troy's voice. "Oh, um, waiting."

He gave me a small smile as he walked around the table, "sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

"It's okay."

"You didn't drive today?" He asks.

I shake my head, "nah, my car needed an oil change. I had an ASB meeting after school, but Morgan skipped for a doctor's appointment."

He looked around at the pretty empty quad.

"Who are you waiting for exactly?" He asks me, "Chris? Because he left."

"No," I shake my head again, feeling a little embarrassed about that and I'm not sure why. Should I be waiting for my boyfriend? Should I have asked him for a ride? I don't know why I didn't. It was subconscious, I think. "Morgan's coming back for me. I'm starting on some homework."

"Do you want a ride?"

Do I want a ride? Um, yeah, I do want a ride, but I probably shouldn't. I mean, lately my mind's been all over the place, it's the last thing I need right now.

Especially since I had a dream Troy and I were together.

God.

This is so fucking wrong. So wrong.

I can't lie and say there's never been something there for Troy, because there has and I don't know if it's like fully gone away, but lately, with him around and Chris MIA and just being able to talk to him and being the friends we are, it's like my mind is everywhere. I don't know how to control it. I don't know how to stop it from thinking about him and dreaming about him and smiling when I'm around him.

The other night when I asked him if things were different, I wasn't talking about in general. I was talking about relationship wise.

It was so dumb.

I felt like the shittiest person for thinking about that.

This is my boyfriend's best friend! I cannot be thinking about him like that. I cannot wish he would have talked to me more that night instead of Chris.

I just can't. It's so wrong.

"Gabriella?"

"What?" I focus my attention back on him, "um, oh yeah, sure, thank you."

Troy gives me a small smile and then motions to the front of the school, "I parked in front today."

I nod, picking up all my stuff, "okay."

It takes us less than three minutes to get to Troy's car.

I get in, buckle up and then close my eyes for a second. Troy's my friend. There's nothing wrong with what I'm doing, right? Even if lately, he's been on my mind and the thought of hanging out with him has crossed my mind more than once. But we're friends. This is okay. We've always been friends. And Chris knows that and is okay with that and loves that. He's always told me he loves that I get along with his friends so well, especially his best friend aka Troy.

I open my eyes to Troy answering a call from his mom before we pull out of the spot.

"I just left school," he tells her, "shit, I mean, shoot, sorry. Yeah, um, I'll go as soon as I can. Because I have to drop someone off first... okay. Love you."

"What's wrong?" I ask him.

"Nothing," he says, pulling out, "just forgot I had to run some errands."

"Oh, where?"

He comes to a stop at the end of the street, looks to his left, straight ahead and then left again before turning right, "Target, cleaners, verizon store..."

Target. It's right here. Like, literally in the shopping center by our school. It'd be so dumb to drop me off and then come back here. I shouldn't offer to go with him, but whatever, I'm about to. "I don't need to get home so if you need to go to Target, it's right here, we can go."

"What?" He looks over at me, "you want to go to Target?"

"Sure," I shrug, "if you need to."

"Um, I do," he nods, "mom gave me a list of things to buy, but I'm not going to drag you. It's fine, I can drop you off and come back, it's not a big deal."

Okay, maybe he doesn't want to hang out. Understandable. We're just friends.

I know that.

"Okay," I say, "just thought it'd be easier."

"It probably will," he says taking a left at the stoplight, "okay, you sure you don't mind? I'll try to go fast."

"Yeah, definitely, go for it."

Fuck.

I'm in over my head and I have to really stop this.

But I... can't.


	9. Chapter 9

**TROY**

 **Senior year, day fourteen.**

"I'm pretty sure that's the most time I've ever spent in a Target."

"Me, too," Gabriella laughs.

I look over at her, confused, "what are you talking about? Morgan says she like lives in this store. I'm sure she's dragged you before."

She shakes her head, "not really, that spot's reserved for Nicole. I can't really shop for too long."

"Well, thanks for making me feel like an asshole."

"No!" She exclaims a little too loudly before lowering her voice and chuckling to herself as she puts another bag in the car, "I mean, yeah, it's the most time, but it wasn't bad. Morgan walks around aimlessly. You actually had a list of things to get."

"Fair enough," I laugh.

We pile the rest of the bags in the back of the car. And then I return the cart while she jumps in the passenger seat.

I jump in right beside her and turn the car on.

"Where next?"

"What?" I'm taken aback a little bit, "well, I'm sure now you want to go home."

She shakes her head, "nah, we can finish your errands. The less time I'm at home, the better."

I look over at her before pulling out of the parking spot. The way she said that... I mean, how could someone not acknowledge it? I know her parents. They're so loving and nice and seem like great parents. But that's the thing, you never know what happens behind closed doors. I don't want to speculate, though, and I don't necessarily want to ask and receive and answer she actually wasn't ready to give. That probably just came out and she might be regretting it.

But like a fucking idiot, I push the subject. "Why?"

"I don't know," she shrugs.

"You don't know why spending less time at home is better?" I ask her.

She tears her eyes away from me and looks straight ahead, somberly. "It's not what you're thinking. At all. Don't worry."

I nod, deciding to drop this whole thing.

"Well, in that case, I left one place out," I tell her, "I also need to stop by the hospital to drop some of the things we bought at Target, my mom needs them."

"That's fine."

I'm not sure what's going on.

This afternoon wasn't supposed to be like this. Coach called an unexpected after school meeting so we all stayed behind for a bit, making me forget I had these errands to run for my mom. And then I ran into Gabriela, offered her a ride and well, not we're here. I don't know what's going on with her. Why lately, I look at her and there's this somber, checked out look. Why she wished things were different. Why she doesn't want to be at home. I have no idea.

But I don't need to know. Sure, we're good friends, but we're not best friends and I'm not her boyfriend.

Her boyfriend and best friends are entitled to this information.

Not me.

I still wonder about it, though, and hope she's okay. Hope that whatever she means, whatever she's going through, she's okay and it's nothing serious.

When I pull up to the 20 minute parking space in the hospital, she asks to get out.

I figured she wants to see her dad.

So, I take the stairs that are finally opened while she takes the elevator up to the 5th floor.

My mom wanted to show me some things and we got caught up talking so I figured I'd see Gabriella waiting in the lobby when I got back down. But she wasn't there. Which was strange because she said she'd be down in a minute. It's a figure of speech, usually, but I really thought she would.

Since she isn't and it's hitting close to 20 minutes, I go up to her.

Five flights.

But Dr. Montez' office is closed and she's nowhere in sight. Maybe she's in there.

"Is Dr. Montez busy?" I ask the receptionist.

"Yes, he's in surgery until 5:30 today," she tells me, "do you need something? I can take a message for you."

I shake my head.

If he's in surgery, where the heck is Gabriella? She's not here.

It's in this moment that I start to panic a little. I mean, it's Gabriella we're talking about. I notice her every move. I've noticed she's been a little checked out lately and when I ran into her coming out of the elevator crying and she told me not to tell anyone I saw her crying here when she could have easily said she was visiting her dad, it struck me as weird. The comment she made earlier. Everything's just a little off with her and for the life of me, I want to find out why.

I want to help her in whatever way.

If she needs it.

I'm not even sure where to even look or what to do, so I pull my phone out to text her.

But the moment I do, the elevator doors open and she comes out.

"Sorry," she tells me, rushing out and walking over to me, "I needed to talk to my dad about something."

Lie.

Why are people lying?

I don't say much, I just tell her we should head out.

The thing is, I'm not entitled to know what's going on in her life. I have no business knowing. As her friend only, I'm here if she wants to willingly share information with me, but I shouldn't expect it. And I don't. But it does suck wanting to know if she okay while trying not to be nosy at the same time.

"Mind stopping by Smashburger?" She asks as we head out of the parking lot, "my treat."

"Yeah, sure."

I could go for some fries and a shake.

I'm not upset she lied to me or is keeping something a secret. I have no right to be. So, I put it behind me and drive over to Smashburger.

Since I'm not really in a hurry to go anywhere, we decide to eat it there.

"Are you going to homecoming?" Gabriella asks me.

"I don't think so," I tell her, grabbing a couple fries and popping them in my mouth before washing it down with my chocolate shake. "my parents are going out of town that weekend so probably just gonna hang around the house that weekend with Liv. Are you going?"

"Oh yeah, my parents are going to that thing, too," she tells me, "I'm not sure. Chris is gone that weekend, but might make it a girl's thing."

"Where's he going?"

She looks at me a little weirdly, "you don't know where he's going?"

Fuck.

I'm his best friend and should know, but he hasn't mentioned anything to me. I don't want her to think he's being shady. I have no idea if he is, but I'm in the dark so to me, he definitely is. I know I need to be a good best friend in this moment, though. I need to not want to throw him under the bus. I need to trust him, maybe. I just need to be a better best friend, probably. "He mentioned he was going on a trip with some of his buddies, yeah."

"Yeah, Great Lakes," she nods, her body language shifting back to how it was, "so, I don't know. We'll see. It could be fun, but it probably won't be."

I took a guess in the dark.

Who else could he be going on vacation with?

Thankfully, I was at his house yesterday to know that his mom and dad are about to embark on a 20 year anniversary trip to Europe. The date of homecoming falls somewhere in between there so I just took a wild guess that he's going with some friends.

What friends?

Chris hangs out with the same people I do and if he's ever not with me or Gabriella or our other friends, he's with family.

"Yeah, well, let me know how it is if you go," I laugh, biting my burger.

"You should go, too."

"Nah," I shake my head, "I know it's not really a date type situation, but I'm not really into dances."

She drops her burger on her tray and sits back for a moment. staring at me. She kind of squints her eyes and then leans forward and shakes her head, "I'm not sure why. Dances are fun. I couldn't believe you didn't go to formal last year. I mean, Amy was banking on you asking her and then you didn't ask."

I shrug as if it's no big deal, "she lived."

"Why don't you like dances? I mean, you don't really need to dance or know how."

"Just don't."

It's kind of a lie. I went to formal freshman year with my friend Kelly and it was actually a really good time.

But when junior formal rolled around and everyone was coupled up, especially Chris and Gabriella, it was the last thing I wanted to be around.

It was bad enough seeing pictures of them together.

It was the height of my crush.

Gabriella, Tucker Wright, this girl named Shelby and I had just spent a week long together doing a project for our science class and we really bonded that week. When Tucker and Shelby would leave, she'd stay behind or I would and we'd talk and hang out, finish our other homework. It was just two friends hanging out, but during that time was when I truly hated Chris for going after her first. I felt so much regret and anger and it was just such a shitty feeling.

The next weekend was formal and I was just not down to see her looking beautiful in her dress as she danced the night away with Chris.

So, I ditched my last minute plan to ask Amy and sat at home doing nothing.

I won't ever tell her.

"Fine," she shrugs, "but it's your senior year. You should go to formal and prom this year. You'll regret it."

"I'll thank about it," I tell her, "no promises, though."

She laughs as she grabs some fries and dips it in her ketchup.

We finished up our meal and after trekking to the Verizon store across town, she asked me if I could drop her off at Chris' instead of her house.

And when she walked up to his front door and he answered the door, greeting her with a kiss and then waving me off with a smile, it took everything inside of me to not hit my steering wheel in frustration and pull out of his driveway at lightning speed.

But it was the best reminder.

Gabriella Montez is not mine, she's his.

So, I need to stop thinking about her, stop being around her one on one and just stop with fucking everything.

She's his.


	10. Chapter 10

**GABRIELLA  
**

 **Senior year, day eighteen.**

"Whose jacket is that?" I ask Morgan when I walk into 2nd period.

"Someone hot."

I laugh, taking a seat, "Ryan's?"

She nods, squealing a little bit, showing me his embroidered name. "We were walking from the parking lot and he asked if I was cold."

"I'm not sure it's even supposed to be cold today."

"Well, then, I'll give it back to him when I'm not cold anymore," she tells me, "but isn't that, like... so nice? I mean, it says his name on the freaking jacket if you look at it. I know things are new and we're getting to know each other, but this is like telling everyone, hi, we kind of like each other, you know?"

I nod, "yeah, definitely. Are things good? I mean, he had to have known people would notice."

She smiles, "things are good."

I feel like I've been preoccupied with my own shit lately, my grandma, Chris, that I haven't been a good best friend to Morgan, who deserves me to be.

"I think he's a great guy," I tell her, "don't rush into things, though."

"Definitely not."

I know she's not because she's never had a boyfriend and the reason is because she's nervous about having one.

Everyone's got to start at some time, though.

"Are you okay?" She asks me, "Are things good with you?"

"Yeah."

I'm being the worst friend.

Her head's been up in the clouds lately with Ryan that I don't think she's noticed how aloof I've been. I mean, I'm here, but my mind really isn't. And I don't think she's even noticed that I've barely asked her about her and Ryan. Which I guess is good.

I hate feeling this way. I hate feeling like I have to hide something from her because she's been nothing but a good friend to me these past couple of years.

"Okay," she nods with a smile, but I don't think she's totally convinced.

But I've never lied to her before.

So, I don't think she has a reason to think I am now.

I hate this.

* * *

"You're not going to work on your paper?"

Chris, who's way into his phone right now, doesn't even look up when I ask him.

I wait a moment before asking again. But when I do, he still doesn't look up from his phone.

"Chris?!"

"What?" He finally looks up, "relax, I'm setting my lineup."

"Relax?" I ask him.

He shakes his head, looking down at his phone again, "well, what do you think I'm doing on here? You sounded like you were getting mad."

Yes, relax, Gabriella. Deep breath.

I didn't think he was doing anything bad, to be honest. I'm not mad he's on his phone. I'm mad he wasn't listening to me. And I just wanted a simple answer to a simple question. I mean, this paper he's supposed to do is due on Monday and all he has is the introduction. I'm supposed to do a research report so thought we could crank these two things out together right now before the weekend. He has all his information, he just needs to put it into paragraphs.

"I'm not mad," I tell him, "I just don't understand why you're not doing your homework. You wanna wait til the last minute?"

"It's not a big deal. I'm tired," he says, "practice was tiring today."

"I get that, but..."

He puts his phone down, "no, you don't get it. You don't play a sport, so don't give me that BS."

Okay. Um. I'm a little taken aback. His tone was jut a little aggressive. And he's never aggressive. Ever. So this is kind of weird for me.

"Fine, whatever, don't do your paper."

"Hey..."

"I'm not really in the mood, Chris," I shake my head, "why don't you just go?"

He sits back in the chair, looking almost amused. "You want me to go? Because I don't want to do my paper?"

Not the only reason.

"I'm just sick of fighting. I'm sick of arguing. I'm sick of feeling like I don't even have a boyfriend anymore and I get you're here, I get we're hanging out and all of that, fine, okay, but come on, it's like how it used to be and I can't for the life of me bring myself to try anymore than I'm already trying and..."

"Hey," his voice is calm, cool and collected, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm such an ass sometimes."

I'd say.

He scoots his chair closer to me, "babe, I'm sorry."

And just like that, I let my shoulders fall and succumb to the Chris charm because it's easier to. "Do you maybe just want to go to dinner?"

He smiles and plants a kiss on me, "yes, and then we can finish this."

I laugh, "promise?"

"I promise," he tells me, taking my hand, "I don't mean to be such an ass, you know that, right? And it's not an excuse, it's not. I don't know what's going on with us lately, but I wish it wasn't. I love you, I don't want to keep fighting. I don't."

"I don't either," I breathe out, "at all. "

Chris grabs my hand, giving me a smile before he leans down and gives me a kiss. "Let's just have a good night."

Please.

It's all I want right now.


	11. Chapter 11

**TROY**

 **Senior year, day twenty-nine.**

"Stop, stop," Nicole waves her hands in front of her face, trying to stop herself from choking on her food.

Brett laughs, stopping his story right away.

Everyone's laughing. Everyone is laughing at this stupid story Brett is telling.

It's funny, but I this story the day it happened which was like a week ago. So, I'm not laughing too much or consumed by it like everyone else at the table. Morgan pretty much spit out her drink, Nicole is over here almost choking, Chris is letting out the loudest laughs, Brian, too.

But Gabriella?

She's not laughing at all.

I'm not even sure anyone is noticing this since they're busy laughing.

Brett can be a little out there, kind of annoying and in your face, but he's funny. There's no denying he's funny. And this story is fucking hilarious.

I know for sure she'd laugh at it if she was paying attention to it. Which she wasn't. At all.

"I cannot believe you did that," Morgan laughed.

"I know,"Nicole echoed her sentiments through laughs.

God.

I hate that I have no idea what's going through her head. I have no idea why she's not into this. Why she hasn't said much tonight. Why no one at this fucking table has asked her what's wrong. I don't want to be the person to do that. I don't want to call her out on it. I don't need to. But I want to. I want to know what's wrong and if she's okay, if she needs to talk to someone. I feel like something's off and I have no idea what it is.

She's been aloof lately.

And I hate that I don't know why. I wish I could know. I wish I was privy to that.

I'm not even sure if Chris knows if anything's going on because he'd be aware that she's obviously not really enjoying herself tonight.

Fuck.

As soon as Nicole turns to Gabriella, she laughs.

Like clockwork, Gabriella let out a laugh joining Nicole and if Nicole for one second thought something was up, it's all out the window by now.

It's supposed to be a good night.

Brett and Nicole are dating, I think. Or hooking up. I don't know. They've been secretive about it, but you could tell Brett is so into her. She's still rolling her eyes at a lot of the things he says, but she likes him, I can tell. So, good for them. They somehow work.

We're all friends here. We all hang out and have the best time together.

Usually.

Tonight, my head is anywhere but with them.

It's with Gabriella, who's across from me, nowhere near Chris, looking like she wants to be anywhere but here right now.

Are her and Chris fighting?

I have no idea. It didn't seem like it when I picked them both up from her house.

But then we got to the restaurant and we all sat down and I find it kind of odd that Chris decided to sit at the head of the table with Brian and Morgan around him and Gabriella and the end with me. Still, it didn't feel like they were fighting and I know both of them pretty well. So, I have no idea.

It sucks.

When Gabriella looks over at me, I just give her a smile, pretending like I had no idea she wasn't laughing.

Like I had no idea she's been on another planet tonight.

It's easier this way.

* * *

"Wanna go kick some balls tomorrow?"

"Sure," I tell Chris as I pull into his driveway, "text me in the morning."

"Will do."

He jumps out of my car and then opens the back and gives Gabriella a kiss goodbye. A quick, barely there kiss.

Almost like it was obligated.

And then he closes the door and heads inside.

Gabriella's house is closer to mine so it makes more sense to drop him off first and her last. And Chris, having no clue that I'm so into his girlfriend, has no fucking problem with us being alone together, hanging out. Which I don't know if it's a good thing or not. Probably not. At all.

"You okay?"

"What?" Gabriella snaps out of her trance, "um, yeah, I'm fine."

"You wanna come sit up here?"

She chuckles, opening the door and then sliding into the front seat, "I wasn't even thinking about it."

I give her a small smile as I pull out of his driveway.

Something's off.

And now that it's just the two of us, I feel like I can ask her. I always feel like I can ask if she's okay. We have that kind of friendship.

"Are you okay?" I ask her, "you seem a little off tonight and I'm not..."

"You notice everything, huh?"

I shrug, "I had already heard Brett's story so I wasn't really paying attention to it. I was mostly looking around the room and while everyone laughed besides you, well, I knew something was off. I don't know. I could be imagining things, maybe you just didn't think it was funny..."

She shakes her head, "I didn't hear it, to be honest."

"Figured."

"I am a little off tonight," she confesses, "but I'm okay. I mean, nothing's... wrong."

I nod, coming to a red stop light.

I don't want to push it. I mean, she says she's okay and nothing's wrong. What else can I say about that? Ask her? No. She would have voluntarily shared the information if she wanted me to know what was wrong with her.

And she didn't.

"Do you ever..." she starts telling me, but then shakes her head, "if you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?"

You, I want to tell her. But obviously don't.

I think about her question for a moment, wondering what I could possibly want.

"I'm not sure," I decide on, lamely. I have no idea what I could want. "What about you? What do you want?"

"It doesn't matter," she says.

And then she rested her head in the palm of her hand and looked out the window the whole way to her house as if she didn't just ask me this question.

It was the weirdest thing, but I'm not going to push it.

I hate this.

I hate that I can't figure out what's going on in the beautiful mind of hers.

It's making me go crazy.


	12. Chapter 12

**GABRIELLA**

 **Senior year, day thirty-seven.**

Morgan and Ryan decided to check out homecoming.

So did Brett and Nicole.

It's kind of weird that for so long, I was the taken one and now my friends are dating as well.

Well, I'm pretty sure Brett and Nicole are dating. They're being very secretive about it, saying they're just casually hanging out, but you could tell by the look in his eyes when she's around that he's got it bad. I think he always has, which is sweet. I'm team Brett and Nicole, for sure.

I decided not to go since it was going to be all these couples around me.

Chris isn't here.

So, instead, I came to visit my grandma.

She was released from the hospital almost two weeks ago, but was admitted back a couple days ago. And they want to keep her here a little while longer.

Cervical cancer is no fucking joke and I hate it so much.

I hate this so much.

Why my grandma? She brings me so much joy, I can't even describe it. My love for her runs SO deep.

"Gabriella," she tells me with a frown, "you don't need to be sitting here on a Saturday night. You should go hang out with your friends."

"They're at Homecoming, grandma, don't worry, I'm not ditching them."

"What? You didn't go to the dance?"

I shake my head as I pull my hair back into a high bun on top of my head. I take in my grandma for a second. She looks weak. And that fucking kills me. Because before, if you were to describe Theresa Montez, the last word you would use was weak or anything along those lines. She wasn't weak. Ever. And she still isn't weak, but she looks it and I fucking hate it so much. She's the strongest person I know, mentally and physically and although she has every reason to be mad at the world right now, she isn't. She's still my loving grandma.

She sighs, shaking her head, "Mija, you don't need to come every chance you get. I know you're busy and you're thinking about me. That's enough for me."

"But I want to."

"I know, but you have friends and a boyfriend and..."

"He's out of town," I tell her, "I didn't make him skip the dance, don't worry."

She still shakes her head.

I get it. It's my senior year, she wants me to have fun. It's hard, though. If I'm not home and out and about doing thing, my mind doesn't wander as much to her. So, sure, yes, I want to be out and doing stuff, but at the same time, every minute I'm not with my grandma, I feel guilty. It's a minute lost.

"Besides, my parents aren't home this weekend, someone needs to come hang out with you for a bit."

"Grandpa just left and your uncle and aunt were here earlier."

"Well, you can't kick me out," I tell her.

She laughs.

And then looks over at me and gives me a smile. "Your brother called me. We talked for a good hour and a half. You know he has a new girlfriend?"

I laugh, "yeah, he was telling me about her. She's really pretty, he showed me a picture."

"Oh to be young and in college."

"How did you feel when my dad came up to you his junior year of college and told you he wanted to marry my mom?"

She chuckles to herself. "Was it his junior year?"

I nod.

"Well," she sits up a bit, chuckling, "I loved your mom. I thought she was beautiful and smart and so full of life. The way she would look at your dad is the way I imagined I was looking at Grandpa. But since they were away at college, I never saw the ins and outs of their relationship. I didn't know if she pushed his buttons in a negative way and he was letting it slide because of her beauty. I didn't know if she was the best thing to him and my son wasn't noticing that and giving her all the love she deserved. I had no way of truly knowing how their relationship was. So, you know, I wasn't the most supportive. I said, you know, you need to wait a while before making even a verbal commitment to someone like that. Live in the real world for a few years, you know? We were still paying for everything, he had no job. And he said, sure, mom, I'll hold off on proposing, but in my heart, I'm already married to her and I know she's going to be the mother of my children. I thought it was sweet, but you know, not very realistic. As soon as he graduated, he entered medical school the following fall and that took up so much of his time. I thought, well, it's a good thing he didn't propose because any woman would want to be getting the planning going and his head was not in that mind frame. It was never about your mom. It was more about wanting my son to live his life a little bit before making the biggest commitment of his life and promising forever to someone. But then at the end of his freshman year in medical school, he was driving back home when he got rear ended. It made him spin and lose control and crash into a light post. You know, I'm sure he tells you kids this story so you're always alert. The moment he walked away with just a bruise and a scratch is the moment he told me he's going to marry your mom and there's no convincing him otherwise. Life was too short for him and if he died before giving him all he had to her, well, he'd never forgive himself. So, he got my blessing and your grandpa's and they had the most beautiful wedding. Three months later, they were pregnant with your brother. It was hard. Your mom was trying to get her career started, your dad in medical school. Jacob was everything this family was missing and well, then you came along. They made it work. They're still making it work. I know I kind of give you a hard time about Chris, but that's because I don't see you look at him the way your mom looked at your dad. You're young and my son proved to me that being young doesn't mean you're incapable of falling in love with the person you're supposed to be with, I know that, but it's just always a concern, you know? You want to be absolutely sure. It's what I told your brother, too."

"They really do love each other, huh?"

My grandma smiles, "they do. You have the perfect example of real, true love."

I know I do.

I'm lucky in that way.

She's right, too. I don't look at Chris the way my mom looks at my dad. Or how she looks at my grandma. But I don't know how to change or fix that.

Is it something you just can't fix? It comes naturally?

Before I could ask her about it, her face dropped. And her eyes were slowly closing shut.

No.

I jumped to my feet, calling her name, but she was in and out of consciousness that I had no idea if she heard me or not.

I rushed out, got the first nurse I saw and she rushed in, checking her machines and whatever else she needed to do. She phoned the doctor and before I knew it, he was in there, over her, asking her question after question, but my grandma couldn't answer him. It was a big fucking blur and the next thing I knew is they told me visiting hours were over for the day and I need to go home, she's not good right now and they'll call family later or something like that.

Like I said, it's all a big blur.

It all happened so fast. One minute she was telling me a story, the next she was losing consciousness.

I called my grandpa, let him know everything and then left.

Once I got in my car, I cried so hard.

So hard.

I've never witnessed something like that. I've seen her sitting in her hospital ed, awake and talking to me, eing positive about the whole thing.

Sure, I've seen her struggle with IV's and taking medicine left and right, but it was nothing like what just happened.

I'm crying so hard, my face in my hands and I don't know what to do.

My parents aren't here.

All of my friends are at the dance.

I'm in no position to drive to Boulder to be with my other friends and have their support.

No one knows, though. No one knows that this is what I'm going through everyday. That we're all trying to be strong and keep it together, but at the end of the day, we're scared shitless that we're going to lose her. It's the worst feeling in the word and seeing her like that, it's breaking my fucking heart.

Every time I think about it, I only cry harder and harder.

Shit.

Before I know it, I'm driving away.

To God knows where.

* * *

"Gabriella?"

"Is... is this a bad time?" I ask Troy, in between cries.

He shakes his head, motioning for me to come in, "what happened, are you okay?"

I ended up at Troy's.

I'm not sure if it was consciously or if I subconsciously drove over here. But here I am and I have no idea how to go about it.

"No, I'm not okay, I just... I'm not."

"What happened?" He asks me, shutting the door behind me.

I couldn't even get the words out. I was still crying. And I know I might be freaking him out, but I just need a good cry right now. I feel like I've been holding it all in lately and right now, I don't give a shit. I just want to cry and I want him to let me cry for a moment.

He did.

I fell into his arms and just cried.

He stood here, wrapping an arm around me, as still as possible and didn't utter one word. It was exactly what I needed and what I wanted.

"I didn't... I'm sorry I'm here, I just..."

"It's okay," he says.

I try to take a deep breath in between sobs, but it just sounds like I'm hyperventilating. I need to calm down a little bit. I need to tell him why I'm here.

Wiping my eyes, I take another deep breath and clue him in.

"I'm sorry," I regain complete use of my words, "I didn't want to be alone, my parents are out of town and... I just had the worst moment of my life and... my grandma, my grandma has cervical cancer and I just watched her lose consciousness in a hospital bed as she was talking to me and then get strapped with IV's and nurses and doctor's scrambling and it really freaked me out and I have no idea if she's going to be okay."

"I'm sorry," is she first thing Troy says, "about your grandma and that you had to witness that. I'm sorry. That's a tough pill to swallow."

"I didn't know what to do and I'm sorry if..."

He shakes his head, "no, it's okay. I'm here. Don't worry about it."

He's here.

It's something he's always been.

Troy Bolton has always been there for me, whether he means to or not. He has. And I'm so fucking grateful for that.

The crying has subsided a bit, but it's all still so fresh.

"Let's sit," he tells me.

We go to his living room where the TV is on to an episode of Family Guy.

He turns the TV off, clears the couch of pillows so I can sit down and we get comfortable.

I'm in one of those weird transition stages after crying where I'm sniffing and letting out cries but I'm not fully crying. No tears are coming out anymore. And it must sound awful to him and he's probably super uncomfortable and feeling a bit awkward. But he's being super nice about it.

"So, do you want to talk about it?"

I don't know.

I honestly don't know what I want, why my car steered me here and if I should get up and go home.

"It's not something I do. I don't really talk about it."

"Okay, well, do you want to get your mind off of it? We can..."

"Three months ago, she got diagnosed. They didn't catch it early, but they didn't catch it late. So, we were hopeful. It all happened so fast. This is my grandma! You know her, you've been around her. She's... energetic, cracking jokes, cooking all the time. You never think something like this could happen to someone like her, but it did and so we were hopeful. She's been in and out of the hospital and it's like, we don't think she's getting better, but they're not telling us she's getting worse and it's been so frustrating and so hard. And I don't talk about it. I don't share this. It's... so fucking personal and it's something we've been dealing with and I'm not sure why I don't tell anyone, but I haven't. And I just... I don't make plans because I want to be with her. I leave things early to go see her. I wake up an hour before I normally do so I can go see her before school. I'm there after school, whenever I get the chance. I'm like living a double life and my friends and Chris... I don't need them to walk on eggshells around me. They have lives, senior things and this whole thing, my feelings and everything, it doesn't need to be a burden for them. And you, whatever, I don't expect you to..."

"I know exactly what you're going through and I'm here for you, okay? Any time of the day, night, whatever, I'm only a phone call away if you need me."

He does know what I'm going through.

Before I met him, more than a few years ago, his grandma battled cancer.

She died.

I know it's something that he still thinks about. I know every Sunday, he visits her grave and sits there for a little while. I know he changed his number on the soccer team to 7 because it was the day his grandma was born. I know he very much still misses her everyday.

"I'm sorry," I find myself saying, "it shouldn't be..."

"Stop," he says, "don't apologize. I get it. I really do and if you feel like I'm the only person who can relate, who you can talk to, I'm here."

That's the thing, though.

Just because you can't relate doesn't mean you can't talk to them.

My best friend in the whole world would drop everything she's doing and come be with me.

I know for sure Morgan would be supportive and would be there for me as well.

It's weird.

It's so fucking weird how I didn't want to tell Troy because he could relate. I just wanted to tell him because I wanted to tell someone, I wanted someone to be in my corner with me and I wanted them to be there for me because I was sick of doing this whole thing alone.

How could I not want to tell my friends?

There's literally no explanation for it in my mind that I can put into words. It's crazy. It's absolutely wild that I'm here right now with him.

And wild that for the next three hours, I'm on his couch.

"You shouldn't drive."

"Hm?" I look over at him, my eyes pulling away from the House episode we're watching.

"It's past midnight, you shouldn't drive," he repeats himself, "um, you can stay here. In the guest room, or the couch."

Shit.

This isn't a good idea, I can't stay here.

But the last thing I want to do is go home to an empty house with just my thoughts. It's why I overstayed my welcome tonight by a few hours. It's why when he told me Olivia was at his aunt's house spending the night, I suggested we watch another episode of House. It's why I came in the first place.

"I can drive."

"Yeah, but it's late and your parents are out of town. I don't mind..."

"Okay," I find myself saying after not really thinking about it, but pretending to, "thank you."

I shouldn't, though.

Because I have my own house to stay at.

Because Chris Murphy is my boyfriend and having a boyfriend means you shouldn't stay at other boy's houses. Ever.

Especially if that said boy is your boyfriends best friend.

Fuck.


	13. Chapter 13

**TROY**

 **Senior year, day thirty-seven.**

That's what was going on with Gabriella.

Her grandma is sick.

And she has every single reason in the world to be checked out, physically and emotionally.

She hasn't, though. She's still making posters for football games, she's still studying and getting A's on her tests, she's still trying to hang out with her friends and Chris and although, I've noticed her being somewhat checked out, she's still there pushing through and it's really admirable.

When my grandma was sick, I barely spoke to anymore.

It came fast and hard and she was gone before I knew it and it was really, really, really hard on me. I shut everyone and everything out.

I know what she's going through.

It sucks.

I wish I didn't once feel what she was going through, but I did, so I want to help.

And hearing her talk about it, how it came about, where she was when she found out, every little detail about it, I think helped her a bit and that's all I want.

I want to help her.

It's so wrong to tell your best friends girlfriend to stay the night, but I couldn't help it. I didn't want her to go home to an empty house after the night she's had. And all of her friends are no doubt at some after party because of homecoming and they're probably drunk or going home drunk and she turned to me for a reason. Because I understand and know what she's going through so I'm trying here. It sucks because I wish more than anything I could kiss away her pain and hug her until she falls asleep, but I can't. There's absolutely no way I can do that. I just have to be here for her in secret for the time being, I guess.

"Thank you," I hear Gabriella behind me as I'm getting her room ready.

"Don't worry about it," I tell her.

She was dressed in sweats and a t-shirt so she didn't need or want any clothes to sleep in, which was easier on me to be honest.

I got her set up with some toothpaste, a toothbrush, extra pillows and some towels.

"How did you deal with your grandma's cancer?"

"What?"

She shook her head, "sorry, I know you probably don't like to relive it, think about it or whatever. Never mind."

That's not the issue. It just came out. I didn't mean to say, what.

"Not the way you're dealing with it."

"What do you mean?"

"You're still present in everyone's life. You're still going to school, answering questions in class, going to your ASB meetings, doing shit with that, going to lunch with your friends, hanging out with your boyfriend, laughing, having what seems to be a good time or pretending to at least. You're not shutting anyone out. You are a little checked out lately. Not to the point where people would really notice, but you are sitting there with your head in the clouds and I was... not. I was sitting there and people knew very well that I was upset and angry and pissed off at the world. I shut everyone out. I literally became a recluse for some months. Didn't talk to anyone, really. My mom wanted to send me to a therapist, but figured it'd be wasteful. I wouldn't say anything, probably. I took it so hard, and we all deal with things differently. My dad threw himself into his work, not wanting to think about it. My grandpa played golf every single day, swinging that golf ball like it was the cancer. You're dealing with it much better than I ever did."

Gabriella gave me a small smile, "it wasn't wrong the way you were dealing with it."

I shrug, "not wrong, but not very well."

"How'd you... get out of that? How did you go from being so angry and not speaking to moving on with it?"

"Just happened one day. I wasn't ready for it to happen. Chris asked if I wanted to go on some trip with him and I told him no, no explanation and he was like, you need to stop. The world didn't stop. People are still living and shit. I get it affected them so I don't know, I pretended everything was okay."

"And it wasn't?"

I shake my head, "not really. Pretending it was okay did help, though. Eventually, I went back to normal. But time did that."

She sighed, walking over to the bed and taking a seat.

"I wanna be able to heal on my own time. I'm mad your friends did that."

"What? No, it was fine."

"Chris has never had anything bad happen to him personally," she tells me, grabbing a pillow to hug, "his parents are married, he's the only golden child, has both sets of grandparents who are rich as fuck, he grew up with a silver spoon in his mouth. He wouldn't understand. He doesn't grasp it. And it's why I've been keeping it from him specifically along with the fact that I don't want to rain on his senior parade along with my other friends."

Chris is one of my best friends, but she's right about everything she said. He wasn't particularly there for me when my grandma died.

At the time, I didn't give a shit or even think about it.

But now that I'm older, yeah, it's absolutely wrong for him to have said that to me.

And to not be there.

I don't want to sit here and bash Chris, though. That's not what I'm about and I don't think she's about that, either. She's just going through a lot and is frustrated with everything around her and why she feels she can't tell anyone.

"Well, like I told you earlier, you can always talk to me whenever you want. Any time, any day, whenever. Honestly. I'll drop whatever I'm doing."

"I know you would, you're a great friend."

Ha.

There it fucking is.

I give her a smile and then tell her I'll be down the hall if she needs anything because I had to get out of there.

She just called me a great friend.

I know I'm just her friend, but having to hear it fucking sucks.

So much.

* * *

 **Senior year, day forty-three.**

I was laying in bed the night Gabriella slept over thinking about everything.

She called me a great friend.

Obviously, I knew that's all I am to her and all I'll ever be to her, but hearing it in that moment really, truly changed things for me.

I need to get over her. It's the most important thing to do.

So, I'm trying.

Chris is my best friend. Someone I've known way longer than her and I'm not going to do that. I'm not trying to be that person. Falling in love with her or feeling like I've fallen in love with her isn't something I set out to do. It just happened. And I hate myself for it. It needs to change. I have to get over her.

And the only way I know how to do that is to date girls and see what else is out there, who's out there.

I cornered Nicole at school earlier this week.

And before I knew it, I was getting her cousin's number and was making plans to take her out to dinner Friday night.

I've never done this.

I've never been on a date before with a girl or anything close to it.

But it's not healthy or right to be this into Gabriella.

So when Monday rolled around and I saw Gabriella walking hand in hand with Chris in the hallway, something inside me went off and well, now I'm sitting across from Jamie at dinner giving a hand at this whole dating thing, hoping something good comes out of it at least.

Hope, maybe.

"Any plans for college next year?"

"Yeah, I'm hoping to go to Berkeley," I tell her, "but we'll see. What about you?"

"I'm not sure yet," she takes a bite of her salad, "I'm all over the place with schools. Sometimes I want SoCal, sometimes NorCal, sometimes East Coast..."

"Where, exactly?"

She takes a sip of her lemonade before telling me, "New York."

Ah.

New York.

"Everyone wants to move to New York at least once in their life," I chuckle.

"I want to be a fashion designer," she tells me proudly, like she knows she's going to make it and confidence looks good on her, "so, I figure that's the place to be. But the thought of being so far away from home is a little daunting so I'm still on the fence about it."

"You'll figure it out."

Jamie's... nice. And engaging. And cool.

I mean, this last hour has been nonstop chatter.

But at this moment, it's not changing my mind about anything. I'm not all better from crushing on Gabriella.

After the check was paid and we were walking through our downtown square, I realized I was in my head a little too much and maybe something could be there. Maybe I'm just not letting myself go all the way there and I hate it.

"So, who's the girl?" Jamie asks me.

"What?"

She chuckles, "the girl you're obviously into. The one that's stopping you from... just letting go."

Shit. What the hell.

"Um, I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Come on. You're not into me. I'm not saying it's obviously because there's another girl. There's this look in your eyes. I can just tell. You're easy to read."

Fuuuuck.

If she can read me, who else can?

"It's... complicated."

"Lay it on me," she tells me as we come to a bench.

I take a seat next to her and shrug, "she has a boyfriend."

Jamie shakes her head, "fuck, that's not good. How long have they been together?"

"You're cousins with Nicole."

"Hey, I can keep a secret, I promise."

No names.

I'm absolutely giving her no names and downplaying my friendship with Chris and everything else.

"I don't know... a year, less?"

"You know, my mom liked my dad when he was in a relationship," she tells me, "it got messy because they went to a small school and everyone knew everyone. She hid it for so long, making herself miserable, trying to date other people, trying to convince herself that she doesn't actually like him. But then one day, she realized she has real, genuine feelings for him and if she doesn't say something, she's going to regret it for the rest of her life. So, on graduation day, she went up to him after the ceremony and told him, look, I know you have a girlfriend and it's not my intent nor do I want to break you guys up if you love each other, but the thing is, I like you. I have for a while now and I know we're friends and always have been, but there it is. I needed you to know before we leave today and it is what it is. Hope you have a great life if today is the last day I see you. And you know what happened? My dad sat in his car for an hour after graduation with nothing but his thoughts and he didn't make a pro or con list comparing the two, but when my mom told him that, his first reaction wasn't, how flattering, but no way, I love my girlfriend. It was, she waited this whole time to tell me? A light bulb went off that he wasn't as happy as he thought and he realized that my mom, his friend he'd walk to second period with and who'd let him borrow the math notes and was always in the stands at his football games, that girl is someone he never really knew he wanted until that moment when she was standing in front of him declaring her feelings for him. And so, he broke up with his girlfriend, asked my mom to grab some coffee, something very low key, and they talked for four hours. They took things very slow, but eventually made things official and they've been together ever since. 24 years."

"Oh wow," I take everything in she just told me, "fuck, that's... crazy. And cool. But my thing, it's a little more complicated. He's a friend."

"You're friends with her boyfriend?"

I nod, "for years."

She sighs, "yeah, that's a little more complicated, but all the same still. People have soul mates in this world. You'll never find yours without trying."

That is true. One hundred percent true.

But fucking over a friend for someone who I don't even know is mine or would even be romantically compatible with me?

It's crazy.

"I don't blame ya. Gabriella's so great. I'd want her, too."

"What?" My head snaps.

She laughs, "I promise I won't tell a soul."

I give in. I can't fucking deny it. "I don't want to like her. It's not like I'm sitting there, like, oh well, when they break up, I'll make my move. I literally feel sick about liking her and want nothing more than for her to stop being great so I can just... move on. Stop thinking about her."

"Tell her."

"I can't. I seriously cannot do that."

Jamie shakes her head, "you know, she didn't want you to go on a date with me."

What is she talking about? "How does she even know?"

"Nicole talked to her about it a little while ago, asking her advice."

"And...?"

"And she was like, I don't know if they'd be compatible, Troy's a little on the shy side and Jamie's really outgoing. Which is totally true. You're more reserved, I'm out there. And Nicole was just telling me how Gabriella told him that and so maybe tone it down for you and when a girl who likes a boy finds out they might be going on a date with someone else, they say shit like that. Why would she ever care that you're going on a date and have input like that?"

"Because we're friends?"

Jamie laughs, "no, Troy, you're so naive, it's cute. She cared. And it might be for that reason, her liking you, or another one."

She's making this harder than it was.

"I don't..."

"You're going to do what feels right for you," she tells me, "but if it's something you're feeling so deep down in your soul, like you almost can't breathe because of it, it's worth it for her to know. You don't want to live life with regrets."

Fuuuuuck. I can't.

Having her know, and Chris, or anyone, it's terrifying.

I don't know what to fucking do.


	14. Chapter 14

**GABRIELLA**

 **Senior year, day forty-seven.**

I didn't go to school today.

It was just one of those days where I just didn't feel like going, or doing anything.

So, I'm currently laying in bed watching Grey's Anatomy.

Okay...

The thing is, I think I'm sad. Really sad. Depressed, maybe. I don't know. There's been so much going on and I don't even know where to start.

My grandma's better. She had that whole thing happen, but she's better. She got to go home.

Chris and I, it's just... I have no idea what to do. We act like everything's fine, but it doesn't feel fine. I feel this wall between us and I know for a fact it's not just one I've maybe built up these past couple of months. He has, too. Yet, he still tries to hold my hand in the hallway and kiss me after class as if nothing's wrong. And maybe nothing should be wrong, but it just doesn't feel right anymore. He doesn't necessarily make me happy.

And then, Troy...

I think about him way more than I should.

Because I think I am irrevocably in love with Troy Bolton.

How fucked up is that?

It's just something I've finally come to terms with after that night at his house. I have feelings for him. Deep, deep feelings that might be love.

And it's not like I want them to go away, which is fucking crazy because Chris is his best friend.

FUCK.

This whole week has been so weird.

Monday morning, we barely spoke in class. He asked how I was and then that's pretty much it. And then the rest of the weekend, it was the same. Maybe he felt awkward that he ended up falling asleep in the guest room bed with me after talking some more, but nothing happened so he shouldn't feel awkward. But I guess something did happen that morning... I woke up with this clear mind that I think I'm in love with Troy Bolton.

But we've barely talked all week and he went on a date with Jamie a few days ago and so, I think I'm depressed and really sad about the whole thing.

I don't want to be.

He's always just... there. For me. Or for anyone.

He's loyal to a fault, he's smart, funny, caring, beautiful, nice, so many great things.

How can you not fall in love with him?

I'm not sure it's exactly love, but I want to believe it is. I want to believe it's not just a stupid crush that you can get on fifty guys. I want to believe it's love because even though it's fucked up because I have a boyfriend, it's more real and genuine and maybe worth ending this whole thing.

Yes, I think I want to break up with Christoper Murphy.

Fuck.

I know nothing will probably come out of Troy and I, but I still need to end things with him. It's not right.

I'm not happy with him.

My thoughts are interrupted with my phone vibrating and a text coming in.

 _You okay?_

It's Troy, asking me if I'm okay.

It's first period right now and he obviously sees I'm not in class. I know he's asking because of everything that's going on with my grandma lately. If it was just a random Tuesday where I'm absent, he wouldn't have sent this text. But it still makes my heart skip a beat because when Chris texted me earlier this morning and asked if I could bring one of his jackets, I told him I wasn't going to school.

His response? _Shit okay, I needed it, but okay._

That's it.

I didn't even blink an eye because whatever, I didn't think much of it. But when you have something to compare it to now, I mean, my gosh.

Troy Bolton cares about me.

Sure, it might be as a friend, as his best friend's girlfriend, but nonetheless he cares and chooses to take out his cell phone in class and risk the chance of being caught to send me a text and ask if I'm okay because I'm not there.

 _Yes, I'm okay, thanks,_ I text him back, _it was just one of those mornings. I needed to take a day off._

I sigh, locking my phone and closing my eyes.

This sucks.

I knew all those months ago that someone in the little time I had known Troy Bolton that there was something there. Something that just drew me in.

Why didn't I fight for it then?

Oh, maybe because Troy Bolton doesn't do girlfriends and the chance of me landing a date with him would have been slim to none. Did I settle for Chris? Sure, maybe. But I also did like Chris. And I did fall in love with him. Not the way I think I was supposed to. But I genuinely care for him and want what's best and I do love him. I did have a lot of fun with him. But a relationship should be more than fun. And I tried to suppress these feelings and I've tried not to think about them and I've tried to just let it go, but I can't. I just can't do it. I think about him a lot and I'm okay with that.

For the rest of my morning, I laid in bed and watched Grey's Anatomy.

I thought about going to school after lunch for the last two periods, but decided against it.

I'm sad.

About a lot of things.

Mostly because for so long, I haven't let myself get to this spot I'm in. But all of a sudden, I can't seem to get out of it.

I can't seem to not wake up thinking about Troy. I can't seem to go anywhere where he's not there to talk to. I can't seem to stop looking at him. I can't stop thinking about how he's always been there for me. Everything he's ever done for me, I can't stop thinking about it and him and I fucking hate it.

But I love it at the same time because it makes me happy.

Troy Bolton makes me happy.

As I'm easing into my 5th episode of Grey's, my phone dinged with a text message.

Troy.

 _Wanna let me in? I'm outside. Brought lunch._

WHAT THE FUCK.

Before these past weeks, I'd open the door no problem in the same exact outfit and hair I've been in all morning. But now, I'm pissed off he's here and I'm in sweats and a t shirt and my hair is so tight in a bun that if I take it out, there will be a crease. I have absolutely no make up on and I'm not even sure I've brushed my teeth because I haven't ate all morning. I haven't left my room, actually. Once to go to the bathroom.

But he's outside and I'm not going to deny him entry since he came all the way over here to bring me lunch, you know? How fucked up.

So, I quickly wash my face, throw on a sweater and go downstairs.

I couldn't put make up on.

How fucking ridiculous would that be?

When I open the door, Troy's standing there with a pizza in hand from one of our favorite pizza joints.

"Hi."

"Hey," he smiles, holding it up, "want some company?"

"Yeah, come in."

He heads to the living room while I go to the kitchen to grab some plates, paper towels and some sodas to go along with the pizza. I was getting pretty hungry so he came at the right time and brought one of the best pizza's in town.

Troy opened the box the moment I walked into the living room, taking a slice in his hand and biting right into it. No plate needed.

"So what's up? Is your grandma okay?"

"Yeah, she's fine," I nod, as far as I know anyway. "I told you, it was just one of those days."

"You sure?"

"Oh, did you come over here thinking my grandma was sick?"

He shrugs, "well, I can't tell from a text message. I told you, if you need someone to talk to, vent to, whatever, I'm always going to be here."

Of course he thought it was my grandma. I mean, he would never skip school just to hang out with me. Ha. How silly was that thought? I mean, it was dumb. And I get it. He wants me to be able to talk to someone. It's who he is. He's just a nice guy with genuine intentions.

"Well, she's fine," I tell him.

"That's great," he smiles, "but I just ditched school so I'm not going back."

"Okay."

Troy picks up his second slice of pizza as I'm barely making my way through the first one.

It's kind of awkward and I want to put it to rest.

"I thought you were ignoring me," I tell him, ripping a piece of my crust off, unsure if I made this whole thing worse. I probably shouldn't have said anything, but I really thought he was mad at me or something. He barely looked my way or spoke to me all week. "Or mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you."

"But were you ignoring me?"

He shakes his head, "no, I wasn't... I just, I don't know. You thought I was really mad at you?"

I shrug, "we usually talk a lot more than we have this past week."

"I'm sorry."

"No big deal," I shrug, feeling silly that I would even think he was mad at me. For what fucking reason? "How was your date with Jamie?"

"It was good," he nods, "she's cool."

I didn't actually want to know. But that's what friends do, right? They ask about things like that. And I can't fucking risk anything else right now. I don't want to be with Chris, but that doesn't mean I can be with Troy. They're best friends.

I hate that I'm in this situation. I hate that I love best friends. Loved one of them and now love the other. I hate it.

Why is this happening?

"Thanks for bringing me lunch," I change the subject.

"No problem," he shrugs and then turns to me, "what's the real reason you took today off?"

You.

No way could I actually say that.

It's not just him, though. It's everything.

It's him, it's Chris, it's feeling like I've crossed the biggest line, it's my grandma, it's college right around the corner. It's everything. I just needed a day to do absolutely nothing and think about absolutely nothing. But that's not happening. I lied in thinking about Troy and how bad it could be, but how I am in love with him... at least I think I am. If love is thinking about them constantly, wanting to be around them, them making you feel like a better person, then sure, yes, I am in love with Troy Bolton. And it's the worst thing imaginable, I know, but I can't fucking help it.

"I just needed a breather." It's not a complete lie. "Don't you ever just want to take a day off of your life, wish it was different for a little while?"

"Maybe," he tells me.

I'm not really sure what that means, but I don't push it.

I sigh, finishing my pizza. "I'm fine, Troy. You didn't need to come check up on me."

"I wanted to," he shrugs as if it's nothing.

It is something.

It actually means everything.

Ugh.


	15. Chapter 15

**TROY**

 **Senior year, day forty-eight.  
**

Gabriella's walking the halls with a smile on her face as if she didn't take the day off yesterday.

As if she didn't wish her life was different.

It's strange.

But to each their own. I can't judge her for how she wants to present herself to everyone even though I know she's hurting everyday.

It sucks she's going through this cancer thing. It really, really sucks.

And I should stay away.

That was the plan. To stay away. Even after talking to Jamie, I realize I could never actually tell her how I felt. It sounded great and all and she gave me this glimmer of hope, but that was quickly shot down when Chris came over with some old soccer tapes and we got to reminiscing and somehow, as if he knew or something, slipped in how I was a great friend, the best he's ever had and he's lucky to have me in his life.

What the fuck kind of shit is that?! I am not the best kind of friend if I'm having feelings for his girlfriend, that's for sure.

But it made me not want to say anything.

Yet, somehow, when Gabriella wasn't in first period, I had to talk to her and ask if she was okay.

I had barely spoken to her the whole week before that.

It was rude.

But it was the only thing I could do.

Going over yesterday, ditching the rest of school, was stupid. It was honestly so stupid because every single time I talk, hang out with her, my feelings grow stronger. Obviously. I was doing a good job for a whole week, keeping my distance. And then I had to go and be stupid and go to her house with pizza.

"Hey, man," Chris interrupts my thoughts, "can't make it to Chase's."

"What? Why not?"

"Family stuff," he says as if he's completely annoyed by it, "I gotta head to Castle Pines right now."

Chris has some family problems. His aunt is addicted to drugs and so his family has always been there for her, doing everything in their power to make sure she gets healthy. It's hard on them, on him. I feel bad.

But for some reason, I don't believe him. I've never doubted him before. Ever. Everything he said, I'd believe because why wouldn't I?

I can't now, though.

Every since that text message and those bullshit lies he's told me, I can't.

"Alright, yeah, I understand," I tell him.

"Okay, see ya tomorrow," he pats me on the back as he heads to the parking lot, grabbing his bag on the way out.

Every year before soccer season begins, Chase has everyone over. We talk about what we're going to do this year as a team, what teams are looking the best, what teams we know we can easily take, who should play where for specific games. All of it. We're all very invested in this team and when soccer season is underway, we get together before every game, carb load and pump each other up.

We're a family.

And for Chris to actually miss this, it's kind of mind blowing.

Because once, he missed his cousin's birthday party celebration to be with the team and it didn't even seem like this big deal to him.

Fuck.

I don't want to be this guy.

But before I know it, I'm grabbing my bag, running out of the locker room and booking it to the car.

I make it there in time to see Chris barely pulling out and I start the car so fast, I don't even look to see if there's anyone walking behind me. Thankfully there wasn't and I was able to follow Chris right out of the parking lot. But I kept my distance, was in the lane beside him so he wouldn't see me in his rearview mirror and followed him to see exactly where he was going.

He stopped for gas so that made things a little tricky, but his red car is easy to spot from a mile away so as soon as he was done, I continued.

Fuuuuck.

Two miles later, he drove onto the 1-225 S ramp, which is the opposite of Castle Pine.

I had no time to think that I followed him on there. Wanna know my saving grace? That I'm in my FUCKING COUSINS CAR TODAY.

Which is why I felt better about following him.

And then I'm on the 1-25 N, driving for 9.4 miles wondering where the hell he's going and what he's doing.

This is so not good.

I shouldn't be doing this. This guy is my best friend. I shouldn't be trying to catch him in a lie, whatever kind of lie it is. I should just leave it alone and pray for the best, but I'm in too deep now and I can't stop. I fucking can't.

He got off the freeway so I did, too, and after a few more miles, I realized exactly where he was going: West High School.

What the fuck is he going to this school for?

I don't get it.

He drives to the front of the school and then makes a u-turn to be in front. I park on the corner and I can still see exactly what he's doing.

School's out already. There are cars driving by sparingly.

After a minute or so, a blonde haired girl comes out through the gates, waves towards Chris' car and get in.

Fuck.

I'm not close enough to see if they actually kissed, but she leaned in.

As he drives away, I quickly bend down so he won't see me since I'm facing his direction. And once they're long gone, I sit in my car for a moment.

I cannot believe this.

I mean, I can believe it with how shady he's been. The text from Cara. The lying about hanging with his cousin. About going to dinner. Other things. It's just too much for me to take in right now. I have proof. He picked up a girl and they kissed hello.

After a few moments, I put my car in drive and head home.

Fuck this.

* * *

There's only one person I trust completely with the in and outs of my unrequited love for Gabriella.

Emma Bolton.

My beautiful, smart, secret keeping cousin.

I have really great friends and the best parents and the best little sister, but Emma is on another level with me. We just get each other and we confide in each other about everything and anything and it's nice having one person I can share absolutely everything with.

Because if I kept this secret to myself, I'm sure I'd explode at some point.

"Are you positive?"

"Yes," I groan for the 10th time, "absolutely, one hundred percent positive I saw him picking a girl up and it looked like they kissed."

"You don't want to spread false information around."

I look at her like she's crazy. "I'm not spreading this information around, are you crazy?"

Emma looked confused.

"Wait," she holds her hand up as she puts her pencil down, "you thought Chris was being shady, these texts, these lies, whatever, and then you followed him and got actual proof he's cheating and you're not going to tell Gabriella about it? Really, you're just going to let her suffer in a relationship?"

"She's not suffering, Em, don't be so dramatic," I tell her.

"Well, she has the right to know. Wouldn't you want to know if it was you?"

"Maybe."

She shakes her head, "maybe you should call Chris out first. It'll cause a fight, but tell him you know and see what it does."

There's no winning here.

I tell her, she's pissed and devastated. I don't tell her and I let her go on being a fool, having a boyfriend who's going behind her back. I mean, there's no winning here at all. And I don't know what to fucking do. This is information I don't want.

"Troy, you love this girl. You should tell her."

Love her.

At least I think I love her. Which is so fucking crazy every time Emma brings it up or I think about it.

How can I love her when we're just friends? When she doesn't see me that way? When she has a fucking boyfriend who's my FRIEND!?

It's all fucking insane.

"Em, I don't know if I can do it. I want to. I want more than anything to tell her and have her know, but what good does that do for me? I mean, it doesn't mean I can all of a sudden be with her. Yes, I'd do it for her own good, wanting nothing in return, but it'd be a fucking lie if I said it'd be easier to just forget about her when she's still with Chris than when she's not."

"Seriously? You'd want her to stay with Chris so it would make it easier on you to not make a move even when he's cheating on her? Are you kidding me?"

It sounds insane, I know it does.

But fuck.

I don't know what to do, think, say, anything.

I've always admired her from afar, hoping one day, maybe, just maybe she'd confess her love to me, Chris would be one hundred percent okay with it and we'd live happily ever after. But that's a wild fantasy that is never going to fucking happen.

"I don't know, Em."

"It's a fucked up situation to be in, I get it, but think of yourself for once."

"Think of myself?" I let out a laugh, "I fucking am thinking of myself! It'll never happen. He's my best friend, she's my friend and I just..."

"You're scared. And that's okay."

I am scared. Terrified, actually. I hate this whole thing.

Emma takes a deep breath and gives me a small smile. "You know what's so great about you? That you put everyone before you. You'd rather have everyone around you happy if it means you're miserable. And I know you're not miserable, but you want the girl so bad. and that's not a bad thing you know, wanting a girl and feeling like you're going against your friend. Sure, it is, but you shouldn't feel like the worst person to exist."

"It'll just never happen," I remind her, "who am I to go in and throw her for a loop?"

"Fine, don't tell her about your feelings, but I think she definitely has a right to know her boyfriend is cheating on her. I'd like to knw."

"Really, you would?"

Emma shrugs, "I would like to think so."

But most people don't want to know. They think they do, but they don't. I don't know if Gabriella is any different.

"I think I'm just going to keep it to myself for a bit, talk to Chris."

"Yes."

I can't do this anymore. It's making me go crazy.

So fucking crazy.


	16. Chapter 16

**GABRIELLA**

 **Senior year, day fifty.  
**

"What's up?" Chris asks as he comes into my house, "I thought I told you I was gonna grab some food."

"Yeah, it won't take long," I tell him.

I take a deep breath as I shut the door behind him.

Here goes.

Chris is standing in the foyer of my house, arms crossed, as if I'm wasting so much of his valuable time. I know he's going to his aunt's house and has things to do, but he could at least act like he's still my boyfriend and greet me with a kiss.

Although, it would be a little hypocritical to want that since the reason I told him to come over is so I could break up with yes.

Yes- break up with him.

I'm doing it. After months of it being too rocky, I'm doing it.

I'm breaking up with him right now.

"Chris, I think you and I both know this isn't working out," I tell him, not even feeling nervous about this whole thing, "we're just... it's different. These past few months. Maybe it's me, maybe it's you, I don't know. I don't want to stand here and figure out what exactly went wrong, because when it comes down to it, I just don't think the feelings are there anymore and I don't think we need a big blow up fight to figure that..."

"You're breaking up with me?" He interrupts me, arms uncrossed now, looking slightly confused by this whole thing. "Seriously?"

"Are you really that surprised?" I quietly say.

"Kind of."

I let out a deep breath. "I'm sorry. But can you stand here and convince me otherwise?"

He looks so pissed off.

"What the fuck do you want from me, Gabriella? I don't get it!"

"I want a boyfriend who I can literally talk to about anything and everything!" I scream, surprising myself. Really surprising myself. "I want someone who knows what I'm thinking and feeling and who knows when to step away and when to come closer. I need someone who is present and... and who doesn't fucking get mad that some guy hit on me and I got us kicked out of an amusement park. I don't know what you want from me, Chris, but whatever it is, I'm not sure I have it. I don't think I've had it for a long time and I love you, I care about you, but not the way I should and..."

"The way you should? Really?" He asks me.

I nod, "I can go half the day without thinking about you and I don't mean for it to sound mean, but that's not... that's not a good thing."

He looks at me as if I just took his heart out and stomped all over it.

But his words say otherwise.

"You're right, things have been different and I'm not going to stand here and pretend they haven't and like yo breaking up with me is the most crushing thing in the world. It's not. We had a good run and everything, but you're right. This isn't a real relationship anymore."

Ouch.

I know my words weren't the nicest, but there was so much coldness there. We had a good run?

What kind of shit is this? Is he kidding me?

"Chris, I just..."

"Yeah, yeah, you loved me, love and care for me, okay, yeah."

"You don't have to be so mean," I tell him, "we're still... I'm sorry. Okay? I'm really, really sorry. I wish things could be different."

He nods, heading towards the door.

Fuck.

He grabs the door handle, stands there for a moment, sucks in a breath and then turns around, "me, too."

And once he was out, not a single tear was shed.

Only a breath of relief.

* * *

Maybe I shouldn't be at a party right now.

But it's Christine Moore's 18th birthday and she's my friend so why not?

I mean, I'm not sad.

If I broke up with someone and it was this sad thing, I'd for sure be laying in bed not caring about this party right now.

But I'm not. I'm not sad. And maybe that's fucked up. Maybe it's a good thing I'm not sad because it means I made the right decision, but either way, I'm feeling okay. And being here is fine. Well, fine enough. I don't care for parties, but I'm sucking it up.

"Hey," I hear behind me as I'm pouring myself a drink.

"Hi."

Oh thank God. Thank God it's Troy and not someone else because I don't necessarily want to talk about Chris if they bring it up.

And it's why I'm drinking.

I figure if I'm drunk or whatever, I don't need to provide any answers.

"Beer?" Troy laughs, looking in my cup.

"Cheers?"

He shakes his head, "nah, I'm not drinking tonight."

He never drinks. I love that about him. I mean, sure, he'll drink a beer here or there if he feels like it, but not because he thinks he has to and I think that's so fucking cool for a guy in high school. not into the whole peer pressure thing. He does what he wants on his own time.

"Chris and I broke up," I suddenly say out of nowhere and I don't even know why.

"What?"

I gave him a small smile as I brought this disgusting cup of beer up to my lips, "this afternoon. We broke up."

He looks shocked. I guess Chris hasn't said anything yet.

"I didn't... I'm sorry," he tells me and then stands there for a moment, I think trying to decide what else he could possibly say. "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay," I nod.

"You sure?" He doesn't look convinced.

"Yeah. It's a bit weird, but I'm okay. I mean, You're with someone for over a year and you think you're having the best time and stuff and then suddenly you're... not. It's this really weird, to be honest. But whatever, that's life, you know? Shit happens all the fucking time."

Troy nods, "well, I'm sorry."

I smile at him, feeling a bit lame for my little rant just now. "You haven't talked to him?"

"No, I... well, I'm assuming he was with you after school."

"Yeah, but then he said he was going with the guys so I just thought that included you, obviously."

He shook his head.

Fuck.

I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. I broke up with my boyfriend because I have feelings for his best friend! And now I'm standing here, in front of his best friend and it's just... awkward. I have no idea how to approach this situation. It's not like I can just come right out and say what I'm feeling. That'd be fucking crazy. I'd have to give it some time, right? I have to at least pretend to sulk or like I'm sad for a little while.

"Are you okay?" Troy knocks me out of my thoughts, "you're drinking and..."

"And I never do," I laugh, "well, we just live in a fucked up world something, don't we? Sometimes you just gotta have a drink."

"I guess so."

I laugh again, chugging some more beer.

I hate beer so much. But it's the only thing that's keeping me going.

"So, um, what happened?" He asks, leaning against the counter, "you don't have to talk about if it you don't want to, I just... I'd... if you..."

"There's someone else."

There.

I said it. There's someone else. And that someone is fucking YOU, TROY BOLTON!

Okay, I didn't say the second part, but I wish I had. Those words literally just came out. I could have told him it just wasn't working out, but I didn't have to tell him why it wasn't working out. Now, he's gonna ask me who or what's going on and it's something I'm not prepared for at all. Something we don't need to talk about. But before I can even tell him never mind, forget I said anything, forget he heard what he head, he speaks up.

"Shit, I know, I'm sorry. You deserve so much better."

"Yeah, I..."

Wait, what did he just say?

He's telling me I deserve better? And that he knew and that he's sorry?

Is he assuming the someone else is on Chris' end and not mine? That's what I'm picking up on right now.

"What do you mean?" I ask him.

"Hm?"

No. I don't have time for this backpedaling type of bullshit. The look of regret washes over his face and I'm not about it. He needs to explain what he meant just now. "What do you mean you know there's someone else and I deserve better?"

Troy stands there, not saying one word.

Of fucking course.

I knew Chris was cheating on me. I FUCKING KNEW IT.

It was a suspicion that crept through my mind when I found out he ditched me for dinner with Alex. But then I dropped it because I just didn't think he was capable of that. I was never that person who would snoop through things to find an answer so I didn't. I just dropped it.

But right here, right now, his best friend is basically admitting to me that he was cheating on me. That there's someone else in the picture.

"He was cheating on me."

"Gabriella..."

"No," I say as he pushes himself off the counter and comes towards me, "I gotta go."

I throw my beer in the sink, don't even bother saying bye to answer on and book it to the front as the tears just come pouring out.

He knew. Troy knew.

"Gabriella, please, wait... you can't drive, you shouldn't..."

"Leave me alone!" I scream at him, turning around as soon as he catches up to me, "you fucking knew he was cheating on me for God knows how long! For however long he was cheating, you knew! He was being shady and you knew! And you didn't tell me! You just let him... cheat on me, you..."

"I didn't let him cheat on you, Gabriella, please just hear me out, I didn't..."

"No."

"Look, I'm sorry, but..."

I don't want to hear this right now.

Troy knew what was going on and he stood by and did nothing. He didn't tell me. I thought... I thought we were friends. And I could trust him.

"I don't... I can't, I need to go," I tell him, fumbling for my keys in my purse, "I just..."

And I leave.


	17. Chapter 17

**TROY**

 **Senior year, day fifty-two.  
**

It's Sunday.

I've spent the past two days hating myself.

I'm such a fucking idiot.

Why?

Why did I tell Gabriella that I knew and she deserves better. Why? I should have just kept my fucking mouth shut.

I mean, they were broken up after all. There was no need to insert myself.

But it just came out. It was like a knee jerk reaction. And it was too late to take it back. The moment it slipped off my tongue, I instantly prayed that she just wouldn't catch it, that she's had one too many beers and her mind's not all there, but nope. She caught it.

And she called me out on it, of course.

She had every right to. I mean, she's right. I knew and I didn't tell her. But the thing is, I didn't know until a few days before, for sure.

It was just assumption.

And once I did know, I went back on forth about telling her.

Currently, that day, my mind was telling me to tell her. But who knows if it would have changed by the night.

She and Chris has broken up, though.

So, I don't know. I thought I was off the hook. It was a mixture of relief and happiness for a moment. And then I blabbed and next thing I knew, she was yelling at me with tears rolling down her face and I felt fucking awful. I did that. I let her know that she was being cheated on. And I let her know that I knew about it. But I seriously thought that's why they broke up. She said there was someone else. When she stated that he cheated on her, she said it as if she's realizing it for the first time and I know that was all my doing. I know that.

So, who's the someone else?

Maybe Chris told her there was someone else, but promised he didn't cheat on her which is why she reacted that way. It was already planted in her mind.

I don't know.

I haven't talked to him all weekend.

All I wanna do is go over there and explain everything.

But I can't.

Either way, there's nothing we can do. It's not like I can suddenly be with her now.

Also, I'm pretty sure she hates me, too.

* * *

 **Senior year, day fifty-three.  
**

"Hey, can we talk?" I ask Chris after practice as we're exiting the locker room.

It looks like he doesn't want to.

Like the only thing he's focused on right now is getting the hell out of here and not engaging with anyone.

He's been quiet.

During lunch, during practice, all day pretty much.

And I get it. I get not wanting to talk to anyone after a breakup and having to hear question after question. It must be really annoying.

But we really need to talk.

"What?"

"Look, I know what was going on," I tell him, looking around to see if anyone else was around, but then weren't so I continued, "I didn't want to accuse you of anything before I knew for sure, but dude, come on, cheating on Gabriella? Really?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he tells me, his eyes going dark, "if you'll excuse me, I have to..."

"I followed you."

Chris turns around, trying to register the words I just told him. "You what?"

Here goes nothing. "I followed you to West High."

"Why the fuck are you following me?" His words come out so angry, "God, did you tell her? Is that why she broke up with me?"

"I didn't tell her anything."

"Don't fucking stand here and tell me shit, Troy. You've never had a girlfriend in your life, let alone a date," he says, "so what if I did? It's not the end of the fucking world. I didn't kill anyone. You acting like my father about this, following me and shit, what the..."

"Chris, are you fucking kidding me right now? You're okay with it?"

He shakes his head, "it doesn't matter."

Right.

Of course it doesn't matter anymore because him and Gabriella are broken up so his cheating isn't even that big of a deal anymore. Ha. Some logic.

"Why would you cheat on her?" I ask, my voice softening, "I just don't get it."

"She changed, man."

"Why not break up with her?"

He shrugs, "doesn't mean she's not good for me just because she changed and it was no longer this fun thing, you know?"

I cannot believe the words I'm hearing come out of his mouth.

This... this isn't my best friend. It can't be.

But maybe it is. Maybe I've been clouded by this high school cloud that whatever he said or any of my other friends said was just that: him being a high school guy. It's not, though. It's not okay to say shit like this. It's not okay to cheat on someone because they've changed. It's not okay to string someone along while you're with someone else because you don't want to lose the person they are to you.

And Gabriella is the kind of girlfriend who would drop everything to do someone for her boyfriend. Whenever he'd need her, she'd be there.

He didn't want to end that.

And that's the most disgusting thing I've ever head.

She wasn't good enough for the hang outs and the conversations anymore. He just wanted to keep her in his back pocket for the bigger things in life.

Disgusting.

"So, you wanted to have your cake and eat it, too?" I laugh, "really?"

"You swear like it's the end of the world."

"It's really fucked up."

Chris shakes his head, "what's it even to you? Are you in love with her or something? God. Troy. Mind your fucking business."

Here is it.

I'm just going to go for it.

"Actually, I am. And I have been since the first day she stepped foot here. And you know what? I regret not making a move that night every single fucking day of my life. But you know what I did? I stood back and let you have the girl because I thought, well, Chris is great. Chris would treat her right. What the fuck do I know about women? I was a 16 year old guy! But I was wrong, because here you were, cheating on her for God knows how long. And you're not even an ounce remorseful about it. You're... you're not the fucking person I was. And I can't stand here and pretend like I'm okay with it. I'm not choosing her over you. I'm just choosing not to surround myself with someone who would treat someone like that, who has no moral compass and who lies to their friends and girlfriend to have a little fun. So, I'll mind my business for good now. You go ad have fun with that West High girl. Hope things work out."

I didn't even let Chris respond because I said my peace.

And I don't even feel the least bit sad walking away from him and our friendship right now.

It's not about a girl.

I didn't walk away from him so in the future I'd maybe have a slight chance with Gabriella if she ever stopped hating me.

It's about right from wrong and the person that was standing in front of me.

He's not someone I want as a friend.

Now.

Or probably ever.


	18. Chapter 18

**GABRIELLA**

 **Senior year, day fifty-eight.  
**

I haven't spoken one word to Troy.

He's tried.

Early in the week, he's tried. But I'm ignoring him. Full on ignoring him.

I'm more mad at him than at fucking Chris for cheating.

Which is INSANE.

I think I just had more trust in Troy. I thought we were better friends. I know Chris is his best friend, but right from wrong, you know? I thought he was one of those guys. I mean, I've seen him go after Chris for doing shitty things. Why couldn't he just tell me about it?

"Gabriella," my mom knocks on my half open door, "are you ready? We have to... what are you doing? You're not coming with us?"

"I am, I'm just... sorry, I'll get ready."

My aunt's in town so we're taking her to brunch and it's supposed to be this fun thing.

But I'm not in the mood.

I've been laying in bed all morning, in my robe, looking at the ceiling doing absolutely nothing, but thinking. Thinking about this whole fucked up situation.

Thinking about how I wish things had just gone differently.

"Have you seriously been laying in bed like this all morning?" My mom asks me, "are you okay, are you sick?"

"No, sorry, I'm..."

"Okay," she says, closing the door behind her, "talk. Something's up."

"Mom, I'm fine, I'll get ready."

She shakes her head, coming towards me, "who do you think you're talking to? I am your mother, I gave birth to you, I watched you grow up. I know when something is the matter. You've been down all week and I'm honestly confused because when you broke up with Chris... that afternoon, you seemed fine. But I get sometimes it takes time. Are you not okay? Is that what this is about? Because you can talk to me, you know you can."

I know I can and I do talk to her about everything, mostly. But lately, I've been keeping things to myself. I thought it was better this way.

Maybe I should talk, though. It's driving me crazy.

So, I do.

I take a deep breath and start. "Have you ever liked someone you shouldn't?"

"Yeah, your father."

"What?" My jaw drops, "dad?"

She laughs, "yeah, he was a college guy who had these piercing green eyes and girls lining up just to talk to him. He was everything I should have stayed away from. He didn't know the meaning of having a girlfriend. We struggled with it for a while."

Wow. I did not know that. I thought it was all love at first sight type thing. That they were college sweethearts with no issues.

"But he wasn't the best friend of your ex boyfriend."

"I knew it."

"You knew what?"

She gave me a smile as she sat down next to me on my bed, "that you liked Troy. The way you've always looked at him, the way you talked about him. There was something there, but I never wanted to bring it up because well... Chris."

I close my eyes and throw my head back, "he doesn't like me. He doesn't do girlfriends. He doesn't want to. And it's just a waste of fucking time."

"You never know until you try."

"Chris was cheating on me," I laugh, "isn't that something?"

"What?"

I nod, "yeah, he was cheating on me, I guess. And Troy knew this whole time and he didn't say one word."

My mom was trying to catch up. I went from talking about my feelings for Troy to talking about Chris cheating on me. "Okay, so..."

"So, he knew and he didn't tell me, mom! I'm so mad at him! I'm so..."

"Gabriella," she cuts me off, putting her hand on my shoulder to calm me down a bit. "I get it. You're upset. Everyone feels that way when they find out they've been cheated on or they think they should feel that way. But if you were not in love with Chris, why does it matter? Why does it matter anymore? You're not with him. You don't want to be with him. And you shouldn't make Troy feel like shit for not telling you. Not because Chris is his best friend, he should have kept this secret, but it was not his relationship to get involved in. He either helps you out and fights with his friend or he keeps you in the dark and gets the cold shoulder from you. It's no win, either way. And it shouldn't be his problem. And now that you've admitted you like him, I know this is not about him keeping it from you. It's about finding a legitimate reason to be mad at him and keep your distance because you don't know if he likes you and even if he does, you have absolutely no idea how it would work out since he is best friends with your ex."

"How do you do that?"

She chuckles, "I'm your mom. I'm old and wise and know you like the back of my hand. You feel disrespected about the cheating, but you're not mad"

I shake my head, "no, I'm not mad, I'm just... I hate this, mom."

"I know you do. But you gotta be honest."

"Tell him?"

"If I never took the chance with your dad... well, you wouldn't be here right now."

I know, but it's different."

She reaches for my head and puts it behind my shoulder, "mija, it's all the same. You either sit here, miserable, wondering what if. Or you tell him how you're feeling and things work out. Or you tell him how you're feeling and he's not in the same space and that's going to suck, but at least you'll know. And then you can figure it out from there. It might hurt like hell, but eventually you will get over it because that's how life works."

My mom's right. I know she is. I'm terrified. I'm scared. I'm hiding behind this bullshit reason about him not telling me he knew Chris was cheating.

It's hurtful, yes, but I understand it and am not mad.

This sucks.

Troy Bolton doesn't do girlfriends. He doesn't date. He doesn't want to.

Who am I to change that?


	19. Chapter 19

**TROY**

 **Senior year, day sixty-two.  
**

"You okay, man?"

"I'm fine," I catch the ball from Brett before attempting to make it in the basket.

But, I missed. Like I have been.

Brett chases after the ball. "You've been missing."

"I know," I laugh.

"Look, dude, I know it's been weird lately, but you can talk to me. You know you can tell me shit, right? Anything you want."

I know I can. I've known Brett just as long as I've known Chris and we've always hung out. Chris and I were just closer. But I love Brett like a brother and despite him never knowing about my crush for Gabriella, I know I can trust him with basically anything.

Chris has shut us out. He goes off for lunch, doing his own thing, and that's not really my problem anymore. I don't even care what he's doing.

I know it bother Brett and Brian and the rest of the guys, though.

But it's up to them to deal with it.

I'm not.

"I think I'm in love with Gabriella," I tell him with a slight shrug as if it's no big deal.

"Oh," he says, "makes sense."

What's he talking about? It makes sense? "Huh?"

Brett laughs, "it just makes sense. She's obviously gorgeous. You two have always had this easy going friendship. The way you look at her. the way she looks at you. I obviously didn't want to assume anything and I barely gave it much thought, to be honest. But it makes sense. I see it."

"Okay, and...?"

"And Chris is a fucking idiot for doing what he did. She's free game, my man, and you'd be an idiot to sit back and not let her know how you feel."

He's right. I would. But she barely looks my way. I've tried talk to her.

I think I'll just give it some time.

"Do you think I'm a terrible friend?" I ask him.

"Nah," he shakes his head, tossing me the ball, "a terrible friend is Chris Murphy for cheating on her and then shutting us all out."

"Yeah..."

"Don't be so hard on yourself. If Chris really cared, he would have apologized to Gabriella and owned to what he did was wrong. Sure, he could be mad at you for falling for his girl, but you didn't do shit about you. You stood back and let them be. That's a good fucking friend right there and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I'm serious. You don't need to feel like shit. You've been nothing but a good friend."

I know I have. I do know that.

But it's hard not to think about the fact that I let myself just fall for this girl who was taken. How shitty I feel for doing that.

At the same time, though, it has no correlation with him cheating.

For being a bad boyfriend or whatever.

That's on him.

I take a deep breath, shoot the ball, make it and then thank Brett. He's a good friend.

The kind I need in my life.

* * *

 **Senior year, day sixty-eight.**

"Troy!"

I walk into my mother's office, a bag of chips in hand, after her excessively calling my name. "Sorry, what?"

She's sitting at her desk with a stack of papers, "I wanna talk to you."

She looks... busy.

But I sit down anyway on one of the chairs.

"So," she says, closing a manila folder filled with papers and pushing it to the side before leaning back in her chair, "what's been going on with you lately?"

"What do you mean?" I ask her, yet I'm fully aware of exactly what she's talking about.

"Troy..."

I let my shoulders fall as I slump in this chair, tossing the bag of chips on her desk, "I know I'm... checked out a bit."

She nods, "you can talk to me."

"Remember how I told you that thing about my friend and his girlfriend and how she might be cheating on him?" I ask, which earns a nod, "well, I lied. Not really. It was just the other way around. My friend was the one cheating on his girlfriend and I knew and well, I'm sure you're obviously putting the pieces together and you know it was Gabriella and Cameron."

"Oh, Troy," she looks concerned and like her mom heart just broke in two, "I'm so sorry. That's such a terrible place to be in."

I laugh.

It really was a terrible place.

But it's not the reason I'm down in the dumps, why I walk around without saying much.

"Mom," I drag her name out, trying to decide if I should go down this route. If anyone else needs to know about my feelings for her. But this is my mom. She probably has such sage advice. "It was mostly terrible because I think I've been in love with Gabriella from the moment I laid eyes on her."

"You think I didn't know that?" She lets out a smile.

"You did?"

"Troy, honey, I'm your mom. Of course I know when you like a girl."

I laugh, "yeah, of course."

She shakes her head, "sometimes you can't help it. I know for a fact you wouldn't pursue your best friends girl, sneak her away, fall for her on purpose. It just happens. People are attracted to who they're attracted to. It's how they go about it. And you were respectful. And you let them have their relationship, whatever that meant to them, and now... well, now, I'm not sure. How do you feel? What do you want?"

Her.

I just really, really want her. More than anything.

But I also just want her to know how truly sorry I am that I didn't speak up when I had my suspicions. Maybe it would have saved her some heartache.

"I just want her to be happy, honestly," I tell her, "she really does deserve that."

"And so do you."

Most people deserve happiness. I know I can be happy without Gabriella. She's not the end all be all in my life.

But God, I wish I had the chance to know how it felt to be with her.

To be happy alongside her.

I'm not sure what it'll take. I'm not sure she wants anything to do with me. I'm not sure if she wants nothing to do with any guy for a while. Or if she just has no interest in me in that way whatsoever. I have no idea because she won't talk to me.

"You can't keep your feelings bottled in, baby," she gets up from her chair and comes towards me, "people deserve to know them."

"What if she doesn't wanna hear them?"

"Her loss."

I smile up at her. Of course she has to say that, she's my mom.

I'm already at a loss.

"Is it wrong that you fell for a girl with a boyfriend, who so happened to be your best friend? No. But it is a little... messed up. But we cannot help who we fall for, Troy. You did not act on it, you did not tell her, him, this whole time. If I had to be a million dollars, I'd bet you wish you hadn't, that you tried so hard not to. You deserve happiness in whatever form it is. Whether it's closure or wanting something out of this... go for it."

"I don't even know where to begin," I tell her.

She gives me a small smile, "you begin by telling yourself that it's okay that you fell for someone. No reason to be mad at yourself for it."

She's right.

I don't need to keep telling myself that I'm an idiot for falling for her. Because I'm not an idiot.

And I never, ever wanted to take her away in any shape, way or form. I wanted her happy. And if that meant with Chris then that meant with Chris.

But maybe it's my turn.

Maybe I deserve some of that happiness I feel she can bring to me.


	20. Chapter 20

**GABRIELLA  
**

 **Senior year, day seventy.**

I spent five hours at the hospital with my grandma today.

She's not doing so good.

And as I was sitting there, holding her hand as she drifted in and out of sleep, it dawned on me that life is fucking short.

It's so short.

You could be here one day and gone the next.

So, the moment I stepped foot into my house, I told myself, fuck this, hopped back in my car and drove to Troy's. I don't want to go anymore days without telling him how I feel, without putting myself out there, without apologizing for how I reacted. All of it.

I parked in front of his house, thankful to see his car in the driveway, and took a deep breath as I killed the engine. I'm fucking terrified.

I'm so nervous, too.

I have nothing prepared. I don't know what I'll say. I don't know if he even wants to talk to me after all these days.

But I have to talk to him. I just have to lay it all out there.

I take another deep breath as I knock.

After a few moments of standing there, he opens the door looking beautiful as usual.

"Hi."

"Hey," he says.

"Can we... are you busy?"

He shakes his head, "um, no, I'm... by myself."

Oh good.

I mean, we could have talked outside if his parents and sister were home, but it's pretty cold out here. I don't think I would want to.

Troy opens the door wider, allowing for me to come in. I think I'm shaking. My throat hurts. I might have tears fall at any minute. I'm kind of a mess, to be honest. But I'm just so nervous and this is it. This is the moment I just lay everything out there for him.

"What's up?" He tells me as we're now standing in the living room, "you okay?"

"Not really."

"Look, I'm sorry about not telling you. I didn't... I didn't know until literally days before you guys broke up and I wanted to tell you, I did, but then..."

"It's okay," I cut him off, "honestly, it is."

He looked a little confused. I'm not sure if he thought I came to yell at him some more, but he looked taken aback.

Here goes nothing...

"It's okay," I repeat, "you didn't owe me anything. And even if you did tell me as soon as you found out, I wouldn't have even blinked an eye. I was so out of it. I was so checked out that it didn't matter. Either way, we were breaking up, so it's okay."

"Okay," he nods, bringing a hand up to the back of his neck, "well, I'm still sorry. Whether you cared or not, you didn't deserve it."

"I said there was someone else."

"What?"

"When you asked why we broke up, I said there was someone else."

He stared at me for a moment, I think wondering where I'm going with this. There was no movement.

But then he nodded. "Yeah, you did..."

"And I wasn't talking about for him," I continued, "I'm not sure you understood that. I was talking about for me. There was someone else."

"Someone else?"

I nod, feeling butterflies fly around my stomach at 100 miles per hour. This is where it all might crash and burn. This is where maybe our friendship ends. This is where I let everything out and just hope for the best. This is the moment I thought about time and time again.

Telling him that I like him and hoping he feels the same.

"I..." nothing comes out. I stop talking. I close my mouth, close my eyes for a second and regroup. I open them and see him looking straight at me. "You."

He doesn't say anything.

It feels like forever. It feels like I've been standing here for hours with no response.

Fuck.

"I'm... I just got home from seeing my grandma at the hospital. It's not looking so great. But as I was sitting there, I realized life is too short. This lady lived her life to the fullest. She never went a day without calling me to tell me she loves me. And I was thinking about that and how I'll always regret if I don't say something. If I don't embrace the truth. Life is too short. We don't know what tomorrow will bring. I don't know what I was thinking all these months being with someone who doesn't understand or get me like you. I... it's always been you and I'm such an idiot for trying to push that out of my mind, for trying to lie to myself, for trying to make myself believe that it's all in my mind. That I'm okay with just being your friend. It's not and it wasn't. I wanted you the moment after you talked to me in the office, after you offered me a drink at that party, when you walked me to class the following week, when you'd give me rides home because Chris was too drunk, when you'd keep me company during my free period... everything, Troy. I wanted you so bad but pushed it to the back of my mind every single time. I tried so fucking hard, not just because of Chris, but because I was terrified of feeling this way. I was terrified that it's all for nothing and it might be, I know you don't date, you don't do girlfriends, but life is too fucking short to not put everything out there. I shouldn't have settled for Chris because you were unavailable. I should have told you. I like you and I just had to tell you that."

Again, he doesn't say anything

I mean, I don't expect him to right away. But it's making me feeling a bit uneasy.

"I'm putting you in a weird place, I know that, I know it's awkward and probably really uncomfortable for you because you're friends with..."

"Chris is not the person I thought he was," he speaks up.

"What?"

He takes a step towards me, "anyone that would cheat on you, treat you like that, is not someone I want in my life."

That's... crazy. They're best friends!

"Gabriella," he comes a bit closer, "I don't know where to start."

"You don't have..."

"I offered you a drink at that party," Troy tells me with a nod, "I offered you a drink with every fucking intention of talking to you all night. I wanted to get to know you. And then... I couldn't. And every fucking day since, I've had to sit back and watch you and Chris together. Do you know how fucking happy I am right now? Every single fucking day I couldn't kiss you, hold your hand like I wanted to, call you up and hear about your day. I wanted to more than anything, but you weren't mine and I never thought you could be. God, Gabriella, I've been here this whole time fantasizing about this moment and it's just happened and I wish I could say more, something that would make you believe I wanted you for so long, that I wasn't sure if I could be the boyfriend you truly actually deserve so rather than try and fail, I let you go, and that you were the only girl ever on my mind worth anything, yet I can't find the words..."

"You are," I tell him, closing the gap between us, "I felt it. I felt it every time we talked, hung out, every single fucking time."

He looks at me with so much intensity.

It scares me.

In the way that he has all the power to actually break my heart in two.

No one else ever has.

Troy Bolton could wreck me. He has all of me. He has every single inch of me. I'm his if he truly wants me.

"I know how loyal you are so this whole thing never crossed my mind," I told him, "but I don't fucking care. I don't care if people talk. I don't care if it's this whole thing. I need to explore this. I need you. I want you. As cheesy as this sounds, I just want to fall in your arms after a long day and just... be there."

"I want you, too," he smiles at me, "I want all of it."

"Me too."

He gently cups my face, stroking my cheek with his thumb. "Gabriella, I love you."

I close my eyes.

It wasn't all in my mind. It wasn't one sided.

You know when you love somebody. God allows you to love somebody because He knows they love you back. And that's the case here. Troy Bolton loves me and I love him. I really, really do. I love every single thing about him. And I love how he makes me love.

"I love you, too," I whisper.

He gave me a small smile before leaning down and capturing my lips with his in the most perfect first kiss of my entire life.

I've wanted this for so long. And I have it. I have him. And he has me.

We have each other.


End file.
